Am I being manipulated?
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Sounds like he’s the one with problems. Not you. This sounds toxic. I’m sorry you’re Going through this.
Trust your gut. You wouldn’t be checking his phone if he openly communicated with you. There’s no privacy in marriage btw…
I'm going thru a separation cos of that u did nothing wrong ,he didn't respect you.Dont ever think you are the cause of he's behaviour, it's he's doing not you.
What does he expect you to do when he acts like that?? The way he’s acting is showing you he has zero respect for you. You must feel like you’re going crazy!
Yeah no, you're not in the wrong here. I honestly don't like this culture of checking partners phones but you didn't have much of an option here. You shouldn't HAVE to check his phone because he should be talking to you, communicating his problems and working through them with you, not whatever bullshit he's been doing. "Invading his privacy" doesn't really stand when he's not keeping it private, he's very much making it your problem and it's not fair to make you deal with that. Honestly, I'd call his bluff. Sit him down and say "I've noticed you seem incredibly unhappy lately and given that you believe I'm emotionally controlling, I'm taking that as you're unhappy with me and us. I'm not happy either, so I'm giving you an out" and see how he responds 🤷🏻♀️
How rude and disrespectful that you paid and organised for a babysitter and he stood you up and got home 5 hours later after a drinking session and not a single word said??Wow! If that was my husband who did that, unless he was on his death bed, ain’t no fucking way I would have let that slide. I would have been Googling divorce solicitors to set up an appointment the next day. You aren’t emotionally controlling at all. He’s the big dummy and so are his idiot friends. You are the company you keep so unless you want a continuance of such shitty behaviour, I suggest you start making exit plans now. The more you accept his shit behaviour, the more he will walk all over you.
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. These are just a handful of things he’s done, his behaviour is completely unacceptable. He occasionally throws me a bone of compassion, such as ordering me a new phone case because I needed one. But what’s the point of that? You don’t talk to me, you don’t do anything with me, I feel lonely all the time. I work full time, I can buy my own damn phone case. He’s glued to his phone all the time and when I express my feelings he is the one who gets angry. Today I said it feels like our marriage is over, what’s the point. And he replied saying: Okay…? So @Lauren I might just do that today. I can imagine the lies and crap that will come out of his mouth though! @Neena he wrote me a letter the next day and brought me some flowers to apologise. But I didn’t accept his apology because that was a few months ago, and do you think he’s bothered to organise a date night since?
@Kelly I really do! It makes me question myself. Self reflection is always great, but honestly the amount of crap he’s done and still does. Is a mountain compared to what I might have done or said in upset.
Probably going to get hate but I would rather wait until the next morning if my husband came home high or drunk to ask him what is wrong instead of going through his phone and if he came home drunk you can assume he was drinking with his friends. The only fans thing is a different story, though. I would feel like I'm not trusted, and my privacy invaded if my husband went through my phone and read my messages to my friends, we went through a really horrible thing and my friend did too. That's an invasion of her privacy But I also see your side. It's a hard situation because he is being off, distant and then lied about a babysitter and got your hopes up. I would sit down and say how you're feeling and you want to check his phone. If he says no then I would check out, shouldn't hide things in a relationship
Incog - fuck his letter and flowers. It means NOTHING. The real him, not the fake one trying to keep the peace the next day, was busy getting drunk with his pals shit talking about you behind your back. Imagine they were all cussing you, calling you all kinds of nasty names……and he was there laughing along with them, AGREEING with them. 🤦🏽♀️ Not to mention not a single phone call, text, email to say he was out. So you could have cancelled the babysitter, saved your money and stop worrying about him! Honestly he sounds like a nasty piece of work and a real head fuck. It doesn’t sound like your marriage is salvageable. Find your anger and let it help you leave him because how you are still with him I do not know. The levels of disrespect are off the scale.
You are being gaslighted, among other things. I recommend watching Dr. John Delony on Youtube. He takes calls from people with problems with marriage, mental health, parenting and all that, and gives straight up hard answers and advice. You might resonate with some of the callers and benefit from his advice. What always sticks to me is what he says about behaviour being a language. He doesn't need to say that he doesn't care for you. His behaviour does that for him. Sorry you are going through this. Hope you find your answers soon.
His behaviour is unacceptable, but so is checking his phone. I'm sorry, but it IS an invasion of his privacy!
Oh how dare I invade his privacy when he treats me like shit, spreads toxicity around our baby and our home. I am the bad person here, surely 🙄 @Rebecca
First the fact he allowed his friends to speak to you a certain way is so messed up .. 🫤
Sounds like you’re being a normal wife who expects a loving partner who respects her, he’s not doing that - you check up on him and he’s caught out. You are not controlling you have expectations that I say are normal. Personally would be end of the relationship for me. The only fans, the lies, the gaslighting