🚨🚨🚨🚨 can you help me please
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Navigating the role of caregiver to a 17year old, especially when you're close in age, can be tough. Let her know you're there to talk when she’s ready, and try to listen without judgement. Help her build a daily structure, especially for schoolwork, and set small, achievable goals to boost her confidence. Talk to her school and help her make a realistic plan for catching up on work. Graduating may take longer, but that's okay. Encourage her to seek counseling if she's open to it, and regularly check in on how she’s feeling. Do things together to make her feel more comfortable, like cooking or watching a show, and involve her in household activities. Progress may take time, so be patient and offer steady support without pushing too hard. It’s a learning curve for both of you, but even small efforts can make a big difference.
How does her brother feel about all this? he has a role in this too.
It sounds like she's having a rough time, and could use a stable landing place at your house. Our first basic need is to feel safe and secure. Things like a new blanket, a lock for her door she can use, and a hot bath alone can work miracles if it's only been a few days. I would ask her brother about things like drinks, snacks, and her favorite color. Just leave them out and about and make it clear she's welcome to anything. I would also leave period products in plain sight so she can find them without help.
I don’t think you can mention that you’ve seen her grades, you’ll have to wait until she’s comfortable enough to come to you about that I think. Fill your house with treats if you can and make sure she knows she has access. Maybe make a hamper for her room? You’re doing an amazing thing and I’m sure you’re already doing a great job ♥️♥️
I would try to get her into therapy if you can!
You could try to lay down some basic house rules, but I think trying to parent her will cause tension and disagreements. Right now your goal isn’t to help her be the best version of herself, it’s to make her feel welcome and comfortable in your home. I wouldn’t touch the school stuff with a 10 foot pole, unless she actively seeks out your advice. She’s got a lot of stuff going on and, in the grand scheme of things, taking an extra semester or year to graduate isn’t going to matter. See if she wants to go grocery shopping with you, if it’s in the budget maybe even get her something to feel more comfortable at the house (like a new bedspread?). Right now is about earning her trust and then you can move onto guidance and more parental-type involvement.
It’s definitely going to be an adjustment. Just keep being supportive but also set ground rules/expectations for her. As far as the food thing go try something like “hey I’m placing a grocery order pick some stuff out you like or hey I’m going to DoorDash dinner pick something out” (I did this with my stepsons).
Went thru this with my little sisters. Just talk to her
Keep doing what you're doing by being there & listening to her.