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He spends it all at tobacco stores. I confronted him absolutely pissed off. I feel like the trust was broken, betrayed and just played for a fool. I’m mostly a SAHM , so I’m working right now part time and I take on seasonal jobs. I can’t help but feel like he was stealing from the money I was making when we could’ve put towards literally anything else. I never agreed to put our money towards drugs. Just in July he spent almost 200$ at the tobacco store (the month I got pregnant) we are already tight on money why would he do this? I honestly feel so bitter and resentful. The night we argued I said I hated him and wanted a divorce. Since then he hasn’t apologized, just kissing ass being extra nice to me. But I’m not over it.
Not sure if it’s the pregnancy hormones but then last night I had a dream of us divorced and co-parenting. It’s obviously still effecting me deeply and he’s so nonchalant he doesn’t see the issue. Since finding out, we still send the money to those accounts but he hasn’t sent the money to himself. He’s scared now
I’m sorry. A man’s primary role is the protector. If you can’t trust him to do that in one major facet of your life, he has got to go. I’m generally really against divorce, but I can’t imagine a recovery from this.
This is really only a call you can make & depends on your thought process. If you’re both willing to work on the relationship and he’s willing to try building trust back with you, it can overtime get better and improve. You both should have a serious discussion about things and let him know what it is you’re needing from him and see if it’s something he is willing to work on. Maybe even consider going to couple therapy to further discuss issues in a safe place & figure out a game plan. If you think you will never be able to trust or forgive him, you have your answer already.
Honestly I would be mad to !!!!! Being with a man like that is concerning because I been there and done that and honestly my ex destroyed my life being like that it was a struggle honestly
If he hasn't even apologised, he hasn't promised he'll never do it again. You can never trust him again. I don't see how you can come back from this if he won't even apologise.
Yeah I would definitely open a separate savings account and be ready to leave. But if you want to offer him a chance to save the relationship? Therapy for him and you. And I would seriously consider putting smoking as an ultimatum. Quit or leave. Because he seems to have an addiction to tobacco.
Give him a chance to redeem himself by paying you back every cent he spent on himself, save it to somewhere he doesn’t have access and when you have enough set aside, leave him lol
Thank you all for your input on this
He clearly has an addiction. Have you guys tried couples counseling?
Ahhh my heart feels for your pain. Especially right now that you are expecting a baby. When you hear people who are divorced they never regret it. They regret not leaving earlier. A man that can not show empathy is a man that doesn't deserve you. A person who makes a mistake. Will say, ahh I can totally see how you feel a, b, c and d. I'm sorry I'm betrayed your trust bla bla bla. But if you confront them and they are nonchalant RUN! I divorced, and I wish I would have ended the marriage months in not 10 years after. I was native about marriage. I had zero self-worth, and he taught me to love and priorize me!! Through his bs. Not projecting, I'm just self reflecting. It's hard being a single mom. But you will reap rewards later for the sacrifices you do now. I rented a room for 3 years and saved up to buy a home. Don't be afraid to ask for help. If you have family or close friends. Open a high yield savings account and be intentional in what you do (I currently have ally bank). Best wishes!
We live paycheck to paycheck and my husband decided a year ago that we could start a slow savings account where we would put 10$ away a week. I agreed because we could afford that. He then opened 2 “investment” accounts to help us- acorn and coinbase. Where we were putting 10$ away to those a week as well. That’s 30$ away a week which seemed steep but I trusted him. Fast forward — I just found out he opened a secret checking account and was sending himself the money we were supposed to be saving