Manners

I would be so pissed at my kid if they did this, but this is how my little sister is. She cooks food for herself and tells her friends to cook for themselves too

Why would it say something about her mother and not her father?

I thought it was bad manners and was surprised the daughter did it in front of her mum and her mum didn't bat an eyelid. And absolutely no food whatsoever was offered.

@Sophie the parents are divorced. The daughter lives with the mum

I would assume she’d already asked her friend if she wanted anything before they got to the kitchen. And I don’t think it says anything about her mother either way

@Sophie I also don't know the father and I'm more interested in finding out what type of people I'm dealing with

@Lara the friend's face didn't say that, but it's a good point I hadn't thought of

Maybe she was just a bit rough from the night before😂 I wouldn’t make a judgement on them just off the one interaction but maybe if there’s other things that seem off keep an eye

@Lara there are other things. That was the first and just wanted to see if my warning bell sounding matched others

I'd assume she knows her friend and knows that her friend doesn't want anything, but that's just my assumption

They're in their 20s. I'm sure if she's hungry she could ask . Maybe she was already asked and didn't want anything.

Maybe the friend doesn’t eat breakfast? Or already told her she doesn’t want it? I would be more concerned having someone over at my house who judges me and my daughter. I assume you were having breakfast too so why didn’t you offer everyone else to make something if you are so bothered by that? “What kind of people I am dealing with” as if you saw them carrying a corpse and put it in the freezer 😂

@Svetlana Wrong assumption. I wasn't having breakfast. That's why it stood out. From the look on her friend's face, she went from looking expectant to very uncomfortable. I think it would be unempathetic not to notice. I think it would be real judging if one came to a conclusion without even putting it to poll. I wouldn't be asking if I hadn't gone in there unjudgmentally and seen something unexpected.

Again it might be the friend said no but then regretted it or any other reason I mentioned above. And in any case the friend is able to speak and move so she could either ask or make herself some breakfast. It is way ruder to go to someone house as a guest and staying there judging what their daughter does when she did nothing wrong to you. You are not at the hotel so be thankful for what you get. Why would someone owe preparing you food? Maybe the friend lives far from the club and asked the daughter of your friend to stay for the night to avoid having to travel late and the daughter and the mother kindly agreed saving her a trip, which is already nice of them even without cooking for her. There is also a culture element to keep in mind as in most Nordic cultures an invitation to be at someone’s home is not equal to an invitation to have meals there.

@SvetlanaThe point of the poll is to explore different reasons which I have shown I'm willing to do. That's not judgemental. But I don't think that all guests would feel comfortable to ask for food if they are sitting next to the host who hasn't offered any in the first place. It's stranger, with all the powers of perception humans have, not to critically assess what's happening in front of you. But, of course, there are saintly people who could never judge someone. Culturally, offering food is expected. Once you compare between cultures, you immediately ask for comparison and therefore evaluation which is fundamental to the human skill of judgement. I've never heard of anyone comparing different things and thinking I will not form an opinion.

@Svetlana.So we're back to the beginning: something called my attention as it was culturally odd. I empathised with the girl as I watched her looking at the food expecting to get a share and her face as it dawned on her it wasn't going to happen. I'd rather be empathetic than condone thoughtless behaviour.

@Svetlana response above

What do you mean by culturally odd? In you culture or your friends culture? If someone let me sleep over at their place after clubbing saving me a late night trip I would be thankful regardless of whether they make me breakfast. Of course, even better if they do, but saying “thoughtless behaviour” means judging, and personally I judge way more someone who goes to someone house and judges them instead of being thankful for the hospitality, than someone not making breakfast for a guest.

@Svetlana I was treated impeccably in contrast: offered food, made tea. The other person wasn't. Culturally odd means not offering food to a guest is not typical. It is culturally odd in my and my friend's culture. It is seen as bad manners. I was offered food which is in keeping with cultural norms. You're now speculating about what the person it happened to was thinking. I didn't say she was unthankful for the room. That's judging someone which you seem to suggest you wouldn't do. Maybe she's offered the same favour to my friend's daughter many times before. perhaps you could just do the poll seeking opinions, without turning it into making judgements. Including the person it affected, you're also judging me even though you suggest you don't judge.

I never said I am not judging. I said I am not judging the daughter for not making breakfast and I am also not judging the other girl as she didn’t say anything so she wasn’t ungrateful. I am judging you who call the daughter thoughtless and bad mannered when you don’t even know if the friend said she didn’t want breakfast before or if it is normal for them not to make food for each other when they go at each other places. And even worse you even judge the mother for that (when it is even possible she later told her daughter she should have made breakfast, but not in front of the friend and you, as that would have made things worse and embarrassed her).

@Svetlana there's also absolutely nothing in my poll that's written as a judgement. I objectively describe what I saw, then put forward options that range from there is a problem and there isn't a problem. Only you decided which of the options I settled on. I never state my judgement in the poll. You're the one judging.

@Svetlana At least there is an admission now there was a problem. And if so, it's still odd behaviour for an adult daughter to be told about good manners. You'd expect a child/teenage daughter to need reminding about manners, not an adult one. It's not clear why it's okay for you to judge and not others. You're basing your whole opinion of me without having the full picture. You weren't there. You don't know what I know of the people. Why is it okay for you to form an opinion on an incomplete picture and not me? At least I was physically there and though you choose to ignore my experience of the person's sad response when she was left out, it is a part of the picture.

@Svetlana thanks for your input. Its been enlightening. Have a good evening.

are they close? my friends and i are close to the point where if i’m hungry i’ll just make myself something in their kitchen lol

@quiddo I don't know if they are close. I got the impression they knew each other fairly well, though

Surely she asked if the friend wanted something, right? Otherwise she needs a whole lesson in hospitality. My first thought would be judgment of her mother, as awful as that sounds. I know I’m hospitable because my mother taught me how valuable it is.

@Amber i was basically thinking the same.