Feeling shame
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Colic is hard my little boy would cry no matter what I did. Just try and stay calm lots of cuddles and maybe some calming music. It will pass x
It is soooooo hard when they cry all the time, the only relief they and you get is when they're asleep so it is perfectly understandable you enjoy it more then. My little boy had silent reflux and would cry soooo much omg it was awful. He got medication for it and the crying did improve, however he still can be quite whiny as he likes to be held and carried about which isn't always possible, so it can leave me totally overstimulated and stressed but of course I love him to bits and he's the cutest little thing. Motherhood is just such a range of emotions and a total rollercoaster lol
Don't think anyone in your position would feel differently tbh... you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about x
I used to feel like this, it used to give me such anxiety whenever my boy would wake up just the thought of it. It DOES get better and in a few weeks she'll be a completely different baby! I didn't believe it but it's true! Hold out hope
I think it's super normal to feel this way. My little boy was fussy too. My and my husband joked we didn't know what to do when he was awake 🤣 once he started smiling at 7 weeks him being awake started to get better and now (16 weeks) he's tons of fun. Smiling, laughing, chatting, playing with toys. It's the best and makes the fussiness and crying all worth it. He's much better with his tummy issues now yoo. Just hang on there, it won't be forever.
Her current behaviour is just a phase, and it will pass. And you'll likely love when she's better able to communicate with you (I know I'm looking forward to that too!). There is nothing wrong with admiring her while she's sleeping so please try not to feel shame. Do make sure you get your rest, too though x