Partner support

There’s no need to acknowledge this post I’m kind of just sharing my life right now to feel slightly less like a shadow no one sees I hope that’s okay My partner was great during my labour and seemed like he would be great post partum but within maybe 3 days of being home he’d leave me with the baby unable to do things without pain (unmedicated birth, a lot of blood loss, episiotomy and tear during labour after 9.5 hours of pushing and forceps) for up to 8 hours to sit on his PlayStation/PC with his friends and when he’d eventually come help he’d either just watch me or hold the baby for 5 minutes, get frustrated give her back and leave. He’d barley acknowledge either of us and would blame it on people being around and within 5 days of the baby born went back to his 12 hour shifts with no warning (he had the option to take 6 weeks full pay paternity leave), he literally told me at 11pm the night before when he started at 8am and was leaving the house at 7:30am. After an argument he booked 1.5 weeks, then went back to work because “they needed him” (as if I didn’t) he’s now taking the rest when the babies 6 and a half weeks old and that’s only because his manager basically forced him. During my pregnancy he left me completely alone 95% of the time, sitting in the other bedroom on his computer all day and night or going out with his friends not even texting to say when he’ll come home. I found him messaging another woman while I was 8.5 months pregnant saying things about me that were horrible enough I genuinely debated whether I should continue living it made me hate myself that much (I really don’t want to repeat them I’m sorry) and yesterday he admitted he didn’t love me while I was pregnant (stupid to stay I know but I genuinely have no one outside of him so I guess I’m holding onto him to not be completely alone on an adult basis) as a partner he’s good, I don’t get flowers or little surprises unless someone else mentions it but he understands me emotionally, he tries to keep me happy by helping clean etc but he just does half a job then says it’s because I “have high standards” My body is exhausted, there isn’t a single muscle or joint that doesn’t constantly ache I can barley open the babies bottles and I don’t get sleep because his “body doesn’t wake up” during the night so I’m the only one doing night feeds then getting up with her early in the morning, I don’t get to eat, shower anything. All I wanted today was to take a nap but he was too busy with his friends on his play station yet again so I was trying to look after the baby crying in pain then when he finally came down he acted nonchalant and I ended up cleaning the house while he held her. Everything with how he treated me in pregnancy and after birth, aswell as only having one friend outside of him (who very clearly would rather do anything else than talk to me), my mum barley answering me and his family only wanting me around for the baby makes me feel like the least important thing in the entire universe right now, I honestly feel a literal bin bag would be more important to them all. I guess I’m pathetically just wanting someone to acknowledge me so I know I’m not a total waste of space.

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I’m so sorry this is happening to you, reading through all of that makes my heart break for you. You don’t deserve any of that whilst going through the hardest thing in your life. Could you reach out for some support like counselling or something? Sending lots of love ❤️

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all that, no one deserves to be treated that way at all! You’re doing an absolutely amazing job and he should be pulling his weighting helping you instead of playing games! I’m only a message away if you need someone to talk to. You’re doing amazing! Xx

I’m so sorry to read this, you must be utterly exhausted and you deserve better. You are not a waste of space - you are the centre of your little girls universe and they can’t tell you but they love and appreciate you so much xx

@Stephanie I have been referred quite a few times before and during pregnancy, my health visitor said she’d happily refer me again if I felt I needed it and she’d chase it up so I’ll try again, thank you ❤️

@Em thank you so much, I think I needed to hear this more than I realised lol xx

You are not alone ❤️ this gig is HARD let alone not having the support from your partner, he’s letting you and your baby down and there’s absolutely no excuse for that. To echo others, you’re truly doing amazingly, you probably don’t realise how amazing you are. You can and will get through this ❤️ Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to xxx

Oh my. This is really heartbreaking. I cannot even imagine how this feels for you. Those before me have made good comments about getting support. I'm also wondering if you have considered having someone over to help with bits around the house or even to just hold the baby while you nap? 🤔 Exhaustion/burnout is real and the last thing you want is to have nothing to run on and your baby doesn't get attended to Like with my first baby, there was a time I was almost on my own managing baby and sorting things around the house to the point of near breakdown. I had to tell myself the truth that I needed help because if I get to breakdown, the baby will still be unattended to. I had to even pay someone who came around to clean and sometimes I even steal a short nap while she's there. Yes. Motherhood with a new born is harrrrdddd. We can only do what we can do. You are doing great momma. Hang in there. 🤗 Feel free to chat me up if you need to rant to someone at any point and need a listening ear 😉

Please message any of us if you need anything even a 2am rant. We’ve all been there, I am sorry to hear what you’ve been going through and you definitely deserve more. Motherhood is bloody hard! And sometimes I really don’t think some men realise how physically, emotionally and psychologically challenging it is! You’re doing amazing, please converse with him and tell him what you need. If he’s not stepping up and putting you and baba first then make sure you continue to! You do what’s best for you and find someone (family, friends anyone!) who is going to be there for you x

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. What an awful situation. Pregnancy & post partum are hard enough surrounded by support - without it must feel impossible, both physically & emotionally. You deserve so much more than your partner is giving. Remember, to your baby, you are their world, and honestly you are a super mum for continuing to be responsive & meet her needs when feeling this way - far from a bin bag, you're amazing & don't let him make you doubt it! ❤️ As others have said, it's so worth seeking some help - you're not alone & there is help out there - you'll be prioritised in NHS services being postnatal. I'd really recommend Pandas Foundation for support too - they have a 24/7 WhatsApp support line, as well as a helpline & support groups. It might help to talk to someone who understands. https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/ Sending you a big virtual hug from one mumma to another xx You matter ❤️

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