Be honest, am I in the wrong? MIL complications -long story sorry!❤️

My MIL has been overbearing and over opinionated since bub was born. We had a great relationship before, but due to birth and health complications with bub, she’s started rubbing me the wrong way. She’s in the medical field and often chimes in when not asked and we see her every other weekend. All convos end up critiquing or offering “helpful insight” on my parenting. I took the step to distance myself, so bub and I get out more and limit interaction to only once a month really to keep a bond with them and bub and my husband. They have a family member in the hospital with cancer for over two weeks, so I have been offering to support them, dropping gifts at the hospital, checking on their pets and such since I know it’s a huge thing to go through. However, it’s been a couple months of healthy distance and I find it’s made a more positive relationship for us. Our babe is now sick with a nasty cough and loud breathing and is 6 months old. He has past health issues so since it was the weekend, I asked my husband if he thought we should send his mom a video of his breathing to see if she has other suggestions for what we could do to give relief before going to the doctor today. I left communications to him to keep it easier. I ended up getting a phone call from her, telling me he needs to go to the ER like yesterday…and that I need to go to the closest ER even if it’s shitty because they have oxygen and they will rush babe and I in an ambulance to the better hospital but at least he’d be on oxygen because he looks like he’s barely breathing…and is either pneumonia or RSV. I asked to wait 10 until hubby gets home and she told me no, and that the 10 mins could be life or death…and that he should have went in yesterday. Cue mom guilt with ppa Hubby meets me at the hospital, we’re there for 3 hours, still waiting…they tell us it’s a 6 hour wait…the nurse didn’t seem super concerned about him so we left. I stayed up all night monitoring him and got in with our fam doctor first thing since she’s a literal saint and keeps an extra eye on our son with his previous complications. She did a super thorough check, it literally was just a virus, like we thought, and she said that if he had either of those he wouldn’t breastfeed, and wouldn’t be as happy as he is. So we returned home. I let my hubby know since he’s working. He tells me he feels bad since we spent hours dragging our poor little guy around when he could have been resting. He let his mom know and she said “well I know he wouldn’t be feeding if he was sick like that, she didn’t give me enough information”. I literally information dumped everything so she knew since she called me. I told him it’s totally fine I know she has a lot on her plate, it just sucks it escalated to telling me my son was going to die if I didn’t get there fast enough… So he just told me “well then don’t ask my mom again” when I ran it by him and had him initiate the convo because I’m a FTM with anxiety trying to navigate awkward relationships. I won’t be asking for insight again, I’ll stick to telehealth after hours and my fam doctor. But am I a jerk for being upset? I keep it to myself because again I was the one thinking we needed insight. But I’m just kind of shocked that at first I was shamed for not going sooner…and then it was spun onto me saying I hid information from her when I told her everything…so it’s like she didn’t want her son to know she was wrong which we totally don’t care like nobody is perfect, just a little “sorry hun, just wanted to be extra cautious” or something would totally be fine with me. Sorry for the rant I just have nobody else to run it by 🤦🏼‍♀️
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Honestly you aren’t wrong for feeling how you do, but I don’t think the mil is attacking you or your character it sounds more like that’s just her as a person since it’s something you’ve had prior issues with she just sounds a bit overbearing

Honestly, it doesn’t sound like either of you are the AH. From her perspective, RSV and pneumonia are very serious conditions, so it makes sense that she acted out of concern. It’s possible that both of your perspectives are valid, even if they don’t align perfectly. You’re absolutely right to feel the way you do, and it seems like keeping some distance is what’s best for you and the baby right now. Maybe she did overreact, but in her mind, she was doing everything she could to ensure her grandson got the care he needed. Her reaction came from a place of concern—better safe than sorry. Sure, she didn’t communicate in the sweetest way, and she didn’t follow up as you might have expected, but not everyone handles things the same way. It doesn’t mean she dislikes you or cares any less for her grandson. At the end of the day, the situation turned out to be minor, and that’s something to be grateful for. But I’d deff keep her out of medical decisions like you said.

Sorry for the long message— but I also wanted to address PPD/PPA. It sounds like you’re in the thick of it but it does get better. I didn’t understand that sometimes it comes in waves and can be triggered by different situations. It sounds like you have a husband who is hopefully supporting you through it. I just want you to know that you are doing a wonderful job as a first time mom. You literally gave birth to an entire human being 6 months ago! The best advice I got for helping me get through it is to focus on myself and my baby… which it already sounds like you’re doing. From one momma to another, you are seen and supported and doing everything right. That baby is lucky to have you as their mommy. 🫶🏾

Gurl I just went thru a similar situation. I left my son with my partner to go see my mother who was having surgery. my son had a cough n an allergic reaction the night beforehand. ( we took him to the ER and didn’t even get seen cuz they was overpacked n understaffed left around 3am cuz the rash went away ) my flight was at 9am I spent the whole night up watching him he was completely fine so I went on my flight. My partner gets home after dropping me off at the airport n his mother starts bashing me “ she’s a bad mom “ you don’t leave ur kids in these conditions “ give him Tylenol “ story short they went to the ER again n he was completely fine lol

You didn’t do anything wrong they be overstepping n assuming we don’t know anything just cuz we are first time moms. Help that isn’t wanted isn’t help.

The problem comes in when they start implicating bad things n making remarks. If it was genuine help it wouldn’t come with it🤷🏻‍♀️

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