Bond with baby

Today my one and only child is 6 months old. I’m so sad but I can’t help but regret what I did the day he was born. There wasn’t that instant in love feeling/motherly instinct. Back story I was in labor for 4 days and wasn’t dilating, the hospital wouldn’t induce me until 39w1d. I was unable to sleep, eat and having contractions every 3 minutes for the whole 4 days. Still have ptsd from that experience. It took me months to be able to fall asleep without sobbing expecting a contraction. So I think part of my experience after birth was pure exhaustion and just mentally checking out. I didn’t hate him by any means but you see in movies and online the mom sobbing and not wanting the baby to be taken from you. I regret it so much because I didn’t do the full golden hour with him. I held him for a while but haven’t eaten or slept in so long so it was cut short and I slept the rest of the day. Has anyone else experienced this? I feel like a bad mom because of it but once we got home from the hospital I’ve been so in love and happy with him. I just wish I could change how I welcomed him to the world. His dad says he doesn’t know the difference because he loves me now but I can’t help but wonder if he’d be more bonded to me if I gave him more within his first hours🥲

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I think our mind plays tricks on us - he absolutely adores you. And guaranteed, you and dad are his safe place. While that doesn't mean he's not going to cry / fuss / refuse naps / etc., it does mean he knows exactly who you are, how much you care, and that you are mom - irreplaceable. Grant yourself grace for your birth experience, sounds like you did phenomenal during a terrible time, and you delivered a beautiful, healthy baby. Don't forget to love yourself in this post partum journey, I promise you your little one loves you times a million.

A lot of people go through traumatic birth experiences, I’m sorry you had to go through that. I don’t understand birth protocols, I was induced at 38 weeks, and it took 48 hours for me to dilate. However, I was allowed to eat, and after the epidural I was able to sleep as well. I had heard of women not able to sleep and eat once they are induced, and I was terrified of it. But the doctor assured me it wasn’t going to be like that. So I don’t understand why in some cases it’s allowed and in some it’s not. Anyhow, you didn’t have control over that so it is not your fault. Don’t feel bad. Enjoy your baby now, he knows you love him and he loves you too. 🧡

@Rocio yeah it’s really dumb, I went to the hospital everyday begging and they were like we can’t and it’s just confusing because you see I’m contracting and not dilating so why can’t we induce me? I end up dilating to a 6 at home before going in yet again to be checked 😵‍💫

@Brooklyn thank you🥰

It shows how much you love him that you wanted his arrival to be perfect. Try to give yourself grace, you were exhausted after a days-long process. It sounds like you're a great mom! I too experienced some birth trauma because I had an unplanned C-section and they took him away to check him out instead of putting him right on my chest like I had in my birth plan. It was gut-wrenching and confusing because I feel like they could've checked him while I was holding him and I missed out on the golden hour. I wondered a lot at first if it affected our bond but I don't think it did, at least I hope. If I have another, I definitely want to be more clear with everyone involved about my birth plan.

And happy six months!! 🥳

@Madeline thank you 🩷 I’m sorry you went through that that had to be hard 😪

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