in Mamas with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders

Just lost my uncle and feel like I'm broken

I'm just gonna trauma dump here becuase I need to get this out of my system I guess. Long story I jsut need to vent but warning it talks about soem gross medical stuff I guess and death. I have two uncles I've lived with for as long as I remember, one has been blind since I was in middle school and the other became disabled in just the last 5 years. M and J. J passed away two months ago. I helped care fi him when he got bad but we did not have a good relationship so mourning him wasn't as painful becuase it was all due to his choices in the end, he stopped dialysis but didn't want to go on hospice or to a nursing home so basically his body just became too toxic. It was an educated choice he made, I just hate how it went for him. M passed away on Friday. On my mom's birthday. She dedicated the last decade or so of her life to helping him and of course my sister and I helped. Both my uncles helped raise us. M was blind due to diabetes complications but tried to be as independent as he could, needed help with appointments, medicine, meals and emergency stuff as well as with his hobbies. The past few weeks he had a lot of swelling and weight gain due to fluid build up. On Thursday they finally convinced his Dr that nothing they were trying was working to get the fluids off and he went to the er and was admitted to the hopital. They determined low protein/albumin in his blood causing the water build up due to fluids not staying in his blood basically. They were working on that and we figured he'd be starting dialysis when he came home. Friday he was having bad pain and assumed it was gas pain. I was headed up there to see him when my husband got of work, he had texted me like an hour before to see when we'd be leaving. As soon as my husband walked in the door my mom called to tell me that she was jsut told he lost his pulse. So we were all rushing over. He was gone before we all got there. They determined it was a bleed somewhere becuase when he was moved during cpr apparently a lot of blood came out of his mouth. It wasn't just regular fluids. And it wasn't gas pain. My family is destroyed. My mom is broken. It was her birthday too. Both brothers she cared for are gone close together, she feels like she has nothing else without them to take care of. We are next door neighbors so I was constantly over several times a day to help so she could rest for work due to us basically having opposite work schedules. Our family was a team. My sister had loved to another town a couple years ago but before she left she helped as much as she could and still came over whne she could to help as well. I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to function.

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I’m so sorry for your loss. I live 4 doors down from my mom, dad and brother and my mom was my best friend for many, many years. We had grown apart some since I had children 10 years ago, but we were both really just starting to work on repairing our relationship. She had been sick and in declining health for a while but it had been a pretty gradual decline until all of a sudden a few weeks ago, it was like it just dropped off of a cliff. She was put on hospice who told us that her heart was strong, and it could be weeks, possibly even months. That was on a Tuesday. She passed away at 8:17 on Friday morning. This was 2 weeks ago. I’ve got 3 small children, ages 10 and under. Obviously with them living just down the street from us, we were all incredibly close (even if we weren’t AS close as before)……. I feel like I’m just in shock, like I’m not even living my own life and I’m watching someone else living my life from above, almost like an out of body experience. I have been (contd,)

through an unbelievable amount of pain in my lifetime with numerous medical issues and mental health issues, but all of them together pale in comparison to what this feels like…… She also had numerous medical and mental health issues and my dad and brother especially had dedicated their lives to caring for her for the last decade, especially the last couple of years. The last 6ish months, it had gotten really bad, to the point of needing to be fed, wiped, bathed, etc….. I helped as much as I could, but with 3 little ones, it was hard to get over there as much as I wanted to. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hijack your post, only to let you know that you’re not alone, and if you want to reach out, I’m certainly feeling something very similar.

@Alissa I am so deeply sorry for that loss. I'd feel a million times more like I am dying too if I lost my mother. At least with hospice they were able to keep her comfortable I hope. I'm pregnant now, I can not imagine trying to face this with kids who need me already. I hope you have good support right now. Sounds like you gave her as much love as you possibly could and she knew it. I keep telling my mom the same, that she did and helped her brother and advocated for him, he knew he was loved. I know you feel like you just want to scream like we do. These losses really feel like world ending but we have to keep going.

I am so very sorry that you and your family are going through this. Life can be so beautiful but it can be so cruel too. It sounds like you have a very close family and you say you have a husband, so I hope you can all give and receive support there. Could maybe grief/berevement counselling help you and family members? I haven't been through this myself but I have an elderly nan I am very close to and I don't know what I will do when she passes. I am very sorry for your loss. It is lovely that you was so close and are such a close family. I hope you have had many happy memories together. Counselling may help you process what has happened as this is very traumatic for you. Xxxx

Sending love

And @Alissa I am very very sorry for your loss. Losing your parent must have been really difficult. I hope you have a support network xx

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