Hard transition

I’m having a hard time with pouring into sd . I can easily watch her when she’s over (without her dad) and buy her lunches / hang out with her etc . I’m having a hard time with loving unconditionally . Loving the child is easy , dealing with the coparenting is hard . It’s hard for me to live selflessly all the time especially knowing that I can go above and beyond and I will never her her mom . I mean that in the most respectful way . It’s just that why should I love her like my own when she will never be mine . I can’t expect the same basic love / respect/ attention she would give to her mom (which I completely understand) . Even on her worst days I still have to be the mature adult. I do care for her and love her but I admit that after I had my own daughter the love is different and I want to give all the experiences to my daughter . Including assets and such . I feel horrible . And I’m coming to the point where if sd can’t be here or doesn’t want to be here I don’t want to stop my life or my daughters. I don’t want to live on the restraints of what bm approves or what she decides to manipulate into sds head . I just want to live life . I can’t change the situation with sd and I just want to focus on what’s in my control my life and my daughters . And that goes on with or without sd (I hate how that sounds …)

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I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. It’s a different dynamic. I think of myself as the loving, favorite auntie. It’s saved me mentally

@Haley 💚 can you share more about how you’ve created those dynamics or boundaries ? I think thats a good idea I just don’t know how to implement it . I feel like I’m going crazy

It was so unnatural for me to have a child in my home that I couldn’t mother the way I would my bio child. It may be different for every household but my SS has 2 very involved parents and I found myself out of place. My husband set the environment that I’m an authority and I need respect but I don’t discipline. If he had a bad report from school when I pick him up I talk to him about it but dad sets the discipline action. If he is being disruptive at home of course I’ll correct it but that’s where I stop. It’s so nice not having to worry about doctors appointments, school, extracurricular activities. I feed him, have fun with him and give him wisdom just like the fun auntie. I think age is so a big factor. I came into his life when he was 7. I would think a toddler would be a different dynamic.

Came into my now 9Y SS life at the age of 2. We were the best of buds then BM came back into the picture and slowly I became the "evil" person. I made the mistake of trying to raise someone else's kid because I saw him as mine. He saw me as the only person to correct him or make him do anything. Like asking him to say please and thank you was unnecessary etc. I stopped around when he was 5, and once he was 7 I completely stopped being involved unless needed. He doesn't like me, even though I would die for him. He is my first son and will always be, but to him I'm that chick mom hates and because she hated me that's why she was evil to him when he was little. I'm just the aunt who reminds him of what dad's rules are. I try to be fun and do extra stuff, and leave parenting to the "real" parents. It wasn't until this year that he's starting to realize I seriously don't treat him any different than his siblings. With time it gets better, just be a fun aunty ❤️

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