I hate my SIL

This takes time. But you have to become indifferent to her. Part of that includes "grey rocking" her with your responses (give one syllable responses, don't elaborate, and don't provide additional details). It takes practice, but you'll get there

I used to be very bogged down by other people, so I feel like I get where you are coming from. For me personally, it felt like a lot of my friends distance themselves for me when I had a child, and then I didn't really feel much support from my family. One day I just decided that this was too heavy to carry around and I'm going to match the energy that people bring to me. It took a lot of the weight off by essentially not caring or at least caring less. I used to see photos of my best friend with a whole new friend group of single and childless women, and it would really bother me. I told myself that if she wanted to be in my life she would be, so I'm not going to put any more effort into a lost cause. I think shifting her importance/space or the value of her opinion into a more distant space in your mind. It shouldn't matter what she thinks of you and you shouldn't care what she thinks if she's not someone you really respect. Short responses, not engaging, and ignoring immature behaviors can go a long way.

One other thing you can say to yourself in the moment to kind of calm you down is "Who benefits from me being upset right now? No one? Then let's archive this moment/thought/annoyance and get back to what is important."

Husband has no relationship with his sister and you hate her….soooooooo why is she still in your life?? Why do you have to occasionally see her because of your child (4 month old who isn’t even familiar with her..or really anyone right now) I mean, sure..when you go to his parent’s home for events (birthdays, anniversaries, ect) or holidays she will likely be there and you might have to interact for some degree. But that’s like a few times a year of interaction. My advice is: if husband has no relationship with his sibling and you don’t like her…keep your distance. No other grown adult should be influencing this decision…because I’m sure his parents will try their best to keep relationship tightly locked in

If your husband has no relationship with her, what’s the reason for staying in contact? She doesn’t automatically have access to your daughter because they are related by blood

@S. annalese it’s complicated but we basically live a few houses down from his very old parents and she is childless and has no romantic relationship and is almost 50 and is incredibly jealous of her brother( my hub). She’s extremely toxic as a person and he has kept their interaction to a minimum. But since the baby She has been repeatedly asking him for pictures of the baby every day and she goes to the parents house every single Sunday all day and expects him to take the baby over there for her to see her but he says no. That she can come here, after all we’re a few houses down. She doesn’t come and calls him disrespectful. The last 3 weekends we’ve been out when she’s here and she attacked him via text about it but makes no effort on her part. She’s seen the baby 2 times in 4 months. I can’t cut her out bc unfortunately we have to go to his parents house for birthdays and holidays so I have no choice but to see her there.

@S. annalese but it’s the constant demands every single Sunday. She’s not physically or mentally able to look after the baby and we both wouldn’t trust her with baby but she has not once offered any help or asked about us in 4m if we need anything etc. it’s all about taking the baby to her and she acts like it’s her baby. Once his parents aren’t around anymore we’re moving and I won’t have to deal with her but I need some Peace for now 😩

So community boundaries. Sheygrown enough to understand. And if she chooses to not understand….that’s sucks. But that’s her choice. If this was a teenager i would wholeheartedly say “be gingerly and understanding”, but she’s fucking 50. If she wants to see your child (assuming she can physically move her body from point A to point B), she can come to you (which you have **offered**). If she won’t do that, then “u no see baby”. It’s not complicated. I think you all are being accommodating and nice, even with her pushing boundaries….especially with the baby pics If you WANT to meet her in the middle you can say “on Sunday’s only we will send 2-5 pics of baby”. This way she’s not up your ass about pic. But yah, calmly and respectfully communicate boundaries. If she ignore them, cool. You owe her no more explanation or wiggle room. It’s NOT her child. This is your little family. And small talk. I have my SIL too but I can make small talk without getting too personal about my life

Ultimately the decision is up to you who you let get under your skin or not. If someone is detrimental to your mental health and well being then sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is distance, even if it’s temporarily so you can take care of yourself. You don’t owe your time or energy to ANYBODY, regardless of what made up family rules exist (because that’s all they truly are, made up). This may not be what you want to hear, but from what I’m reading it sounds like you and your husband are taking her bait. If she has an established pattern of behavior, why expect her to suddenly change? When you engage her behavior you fuel that behavior to continue. You can choose to not participate. Will it upset some people (namely her)? Yep. Bc you’re not playing by the “rules”. Will other family try to convince you to sweep it under the rug or ignore it? Probably. But YOU can always choose to opt out for sake of protecting your family’s peace.

@S. annalese yes, in that respect we’ve stuck to our guns and said she’s welcome to come here when baby is awake and it’s her problem if she doesn’t. It’s just the repetitive insults every weekend when we have the same exact conversation. It’s exhausting to keep hearing the same broken record and hard to keep her out of mind when every weekend it’s the same old argument. That’s what I’m struggling with right now. I personally prefer if she has no relationship with my child since nothing good will come of it with her being the way she is. When I do see her I barely speak to her.

I try to avoid anger with humor in these situations. 🤔 💭 I wonder what kind of craziness we will endure today and then text about it with my bestie. I genuinely don’t care to please people like this so I don’t care if they get angry and if I am reasonably able to uphold my boundaries then it’s an eye roll and a can you believe this 🐥 text 😆

I would just stop answering her texts. She is being pushy and rude. She doesn't deserve a bit of attention from you and hub. And she is not entitled to a relationship with your baby. The fact she has no romantic relationship and no child is none of your business. Good luck. Distance is the key for your mental peace

If you husband has no relationship with his sister. Why you guys letting her see your kid? Kick her to the curb! You don't owe her anytime! Go to family events and if she is there, avoid her. You don't owe anyone time.

For me, with my ex MIL and BIL, it was a matter of shifting my perspective from ‘Oh my god, what a hateful bitch, how can she be SO determined to make everyone else around her SO miserable?!?!’ ….. to me realizing that, in order for you to be THAT hateful bitch, who is bound and determined to make everyone around you THAT miserable, think of how miserable SHE must truly be inside!!! And, the fact of the matter is, when I walk away from her, I get to leave all of that awful misery behind and go home to enjoy MY wonderful life, that I LOVE and be happy! She….. she’s stuck in that misery, 24/7! That must just be BRUTAL to be THAT MISERABLE…. ALLLLLLL of the time!!! I mean, you truly must be a special kind of miserable to do the things that she does and to actually go OUT OF YOUR WAY to make people feel terribly. It must just be awful to live inside her skin (even if she puts on a front that she loves it, I doubt she does. But even if she DOES love it, I mean, how shitty must you (contd.)

actually be/feel to get pleasure by making other people feel poorly. It’s sick, and ultimately, it’s really sad. I have completely changed my entire outlook on her now to actually feeling bad for her! Now! That does NOT mean that I took her bullshit or just accepted her bad behavior, because you can feel badly for someone, but still not accept their bad behavior! But, it definitely took a LOT of my anger towards her away and allowed me to leave her awfulness at her front door when we left to go back home to our HAPPY lives.

If you don't like her then her opinion shouldn't matter. Only speak if it's needed and keep answers short. Never explain yourself to her or give any extra information. Never engage with her unless it is necessary and never speak to her unless she directs a question at you that you need to answer even then though only give basic answers as it sounds like she doesn't deserve your time or energy