Anxiety/ postpartum
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Please please make sure you're getting the support you need. People to help with the baby, time to rest, maybe even start talking to a therapist, and don't feel ashamed to get on anxiety medication if it's needed. From my own personal experience, I didn't have any support system outside of my husband who works outside of the home, I barely took time to rest, and I got really bad after my second. I had postpartum rage, ppd, and severe ppa, I almost went into postpartum psychosis but somehow brought myself back. It took a huge toll on me mentally and physically. It's scary having the risk of ppa/ppd, but it's really important to remember you have resources and you're not alone. If you need anyone to talk to, my messages are open 💕
I have anxiety too, and 2 kids now. Look honestly, before you have kids, you don't know what it's like. And you learn. It's a steep learning curve but you learn. You might bond straight away. You might look at your baby in your arms all covered in goop and immediately fall in love. Or, you might take a few weeks or months to bond, to look at this poopy squirmy crying thing and realise even though it's hard work, you do love this little baby. You WILL love this baby. You WILL bond. And this baby will love you so unbelievably much.
It is not rare for a mom to be feeling this way! But please, tell your family doctor this. I know it’s hard to do, but it helped me so much!! I hope your fears disappear once you have that baby in your arms! But if they don’t, know you are not the only one and you are not alone! 🤗
It will be tough, but I experienced the same thing. I’m on baby # 2 with my oldest a 2 yr old and a 9 month old. With my first, I felt very disconnected and felt as if I couldn’t measure up to what he needed of me. As long as you care and are present, you’ll be what your little one needs. I am not many things, but whatever I am, that’s enough and you are enough with whatever you can give. Mental health and anxiety and depression is soooo hard!!! I’m sry you have to deal with it. Feeling numb and apathetic is real too. Non of it so pleasant, but you will get to the other side of things and you’ll realize you and your baby will be ok and whatever you are and give is enough. Also, the fact that you are fearful means you are already a better mom then most. You will feel all kinds of emotions with your baby and they are all ok and valid and will pass.