my postpartum psychosis story 💗

hi everyone this is my first post and possible tw for contents of what i will say but i hope for anyone who is possibly struggling for it to give them hope and know they aren’t alone :) i had a very traumatic child birth..i was in labor for a week and was sent home every time i went to the women’s center due to no changes and birthing lasted all day after i lost my bloody show. my daughter was very healthy but showed signs of colic instantly. the next day while i was in the hospital i was already starting to deal with depression and anxiety and after coming home it only escalated, i started having delusions and hallucinations that i didn’t know weren’t real on top of anxiety and depression surrounding my daughter. she only wanted to be held and bounced but i had a third degree tear and it was hard physically let alone emotionally. even when she slept i couldn’t sleep and honestly no one or my bf were very supportive in this time. i said a lot of things i’d never think to say now and accused my bf of doing drugs from my delusions. i thought my daughters mobil over her bassinet was possessed and heard voices often. it was the scariest thing i ever went through and everyday i feel guilty for something i couldn’t control in those early days. i was hospitalised and am doing much better now except the occasional depressed or overwhelmed day :) i wish my postpartum experience was so different and i did cute things with my daughter i see moms on social media doing but i’m doing those things now and she no longer has colic and is the happiest baby i have ever seen 💗💗i regret a lot but just know you’re not your mental health and mamas you are trying!!! it’ll get better just like it has for me. if anyone is struggling pls shoot me a message you are not alone