Trauma

I am so sorry you went through a horrible experience. It is so hard when you always wanted more. It easy for your husband to say that he still wants more and as much as he went through it to it is different for the women. Don’t write it off as you may heal and be happy to have more. Does your hospital offer a de brief?! Maybe try that…although only as good as your notes are. Im in the process of being diagnosed of perinatal OCD due to the trauma I experienced in labour. With your therapist I would get a new one! Mine tells me I’m wrong with my intrusive thoughts but tells me to feel my emotions and she makes it a safe space to say and feel whatever I need to. So like she says to me….feel your emotions and go with the waves! Also reach out to health visitor. Mine was amazing and done the referrals for me. Good luck and feel free to message me if you want to talk privately. You got this x

@Clairey hey thanks for reaching out. I had hyperemesis during my pregnancy. Also such bad heartburn I was on an all liquid diet because I was aspirating food. Had PUPPP, crippling SI pain, and an umbilical cord abnormality. Labor was 32 hours of back labor with vomitting. Three tears, baby’s heart crashing during labor. Post partum I need pelvic surgery, baby has torticollis and feeding issues from it, baby has nightmares and colic, I’m bleeding daily 5 months post partum. Dr aware and part of surgery waitlist. Had rash on belly so bad that couldn’t see my stomach and was so itchy it would wake me up in the middle of the night. No family around or “village”, but have an amazing husband. I catch myself wanting 2 but then bawl my eyes out cuz I never wanna go through this again. I feel like I’ve lost something I’ve never had.

Surrogacy? Mix your egg and his sperm and plant it in a different body? Just ensure contract is top notch

While my pregnancy was nowhere near as traumatic as yours, do take comfort in knowing that every pregnancy is different. You aren’t guaranteed to have as traumatic of a pregnancy and birth the second time around, if you choose to. But also know that you need time to heal—physically and mentally. The thing that is currently helping me is grieving the fact that I didn’t have the pregnancy or labor I desired. I get caught up thinking about not being able to/wanting to have a second child because of the trauma of my first one, but I’m actually grieving the loss of my expectations from this first experience. Focusing on grieving this first experience and healing from that is helping me a lot with my feelings towards the future. I wish you the best of luck in your recovery process. ❤️❤️

Definitely think it through as yes it’s right that not all pregnancies and labour are the same but you need to think of yourself and your family. Are you in a position where you could wait a few years if you’re unsure and want time to heal? I’ve been through similar with my second and I thought I wanted three children. My first birth and post partum experience was straight forward but my second was similar to you. Birth was traumatic, I got anxiety since and have been going to therapy. It’s made me realise I don’t want another as I want to be the best Mum to the two I have. I’d look in to another therapist as you’re definitely not being irrational. It can sometimes take time to find the right therapist. You could have a completely different experience next time but if you have time to think about it then I wouldn’t rush and speak to your partner about your concerns x

Hey! Sorry to hear you had a traumatic time and still suffering with it now. I too had a rather traumatic first birth where I haemorrhaged and almost died. I tried the NHS debrief but was terrible, some lady who didn’t even bother to read my notes until 5 minutes before my appt! I would highly recommend looking up mixing up motherhood on Instagram. She does private debriefs and they are worth every penny!! It allows me to finally process my grief and I’ve now gone on to have a 2nd baby who is now 5 months. I really hope you get to process your trauma and come out the other end. Please don’t feel like you are letting anyone down! What you described sounds horrendous…oh and fire the therapist!!

Oh my goodness that sounds awful I al so sorry you went through that and completely understand your stance. If you chose to have a second there is support during etc x

So sorry for your bad experience, I’ve had 2 x bad traumatic births but the recent one I have like PTSD as it was very severe and very awful and dangerous i’m still in therapy for it 6 months on. But time helps and heals and you shouldn’t decied anything certain yet bit I understand as I really wanted 3 kids but now I know I can’t risk anything again and it’s too much for me. I hope you heal soon and sending strength! 🙏🏽

This is so hard. It took a year for me to feel like I processed my first birth, and I’ll say it wasn’t physically traumatic in ways it could have been. Nonetheless, find a new therapist. A therapist calling you irrational instead of helping you recognize unhelpful thoughts is not a good therapist. Also there’s no rush to decide you’re ready for another baby, I wasn’t ready near when I thought I’d be but I was eventually.