Should I get a divorce?

If he’s like this now, his responses, attitude, and behavior most likely won’t change now or down the line. Ask yourself if this is something you want to deal with for another 20, 30, 40 years.

If he’s a new dad he possibly is either having tons of thoughts with providing for another human, if you want to work out definitely do couples counseling first and foremost

Communication. Therapy first. Therapy will help you both figure out if you should continue or divorce.

you tell him if he wants to purchase a house he can do so with his own savings and if he can’t act appropriately in front of his 3month old child then he can forget about having anymore children. These problems are serious but definitely resolvable. Stop paying half of everything, you aren’t roommates and you don’t want be be treated like one. When I moved in with my husband I agreed to pay all grocery expenses,internet and utilities and sometimes fun money. He was already paying rent when I moved in with him. Remind him of the alternative. Lonely paying all the bills AND child support AND half his shit is gone lmao he might straighten up real quick

Me and my partner have been together three and a half years. Never once has he asked me to help pay anything. I’ve done it on my own. We made our accounts jointed because he says what’s his is mine. We have 4 children and 3 together, we are not married but live life as we were. He pays the mortgage and he bills while I worry about cooking and cleaning, don’t get me wrong he helps clean a lot and it’s nice to have help 75/25 instead of always 50/50 because as a mother/father we can’t fully be how we want to. I’d say talk to him about the agreements he’s made and the commitment that comes with having a family. In most cases the male should be the main provider since he makes more anyways. Your money should be both of you guys spending money if he would help out more so you see it as your money! Marriage is hard and it’s never easy. Some people want to give up when things don’t work for them but communicating to him more, and if he continues to tell and treat you like shit tell him you

Don’t accept being called out your name no amounts of “therapy” or counseling is needed first it’s being called lazy and bum next it’s going to be curse words don’t accept verbal and financial abuse new dad or not

Need to sit down and ha e an actual convo and if nothing gets better u need to leave no sense of him calling u that u being a mother and working so tell him how you feel if he is an ass about it then that's when u take action

Know your worth more than he does and explain you’re not happy anymore especially with the way he’s treating you! That just isn’t right especially in front of your child

Just divorce. I hate to say it but he doesn't resect you or truly love you if he did he wouldn't treat you like fucking cattle. You birth a child and he is more interested in himself. He makes more and doesn't wanna cover anything else why are your finances even split me and my husband are in poverty and anything I make or anything that is gifted to either one of us is used on our son our bills or on both of us I don't even understand why he needs to keep his own money unless he is sending it to other women without you knowing it's suspicious

I may be old school, but I don't understand the "his money" and "my money" situation. At most I could see each person having a personal savngs account, but the majority of the household income should go into a joint account for household expenses. The his and mine most often leads to financial abuse for the lower earning partner. That said, I would seek couples therapy to work on things if you want to. My OB told me to try not to make any major life decisions for 1 year postpartum because of the hormonal fluctuations, and I think that advice saved my marriage twice

I’m with Kayla.. I know I am “old school”. I’ve been married for 20 years. We moved in together 2 years prior to getting married and at that time we started merging our finances. He’s always made more than me but we never put a value on each of our contributions to the house and now family. I became a stay at home mom 18 years ago. I have never understood the separate accounts, his money, her money, his share of the bills, her share… to me it’s always been ours as in we are one. I’m not saying I’m judging I know my way isn’t the only way it just makes me sad when the people around me have disintegrating relationships because they don’t work as one. As a team. I do recommend couples therapy. Having a baby changes everything. It’s a hard adjustment that both of you go through. You have to learn how to communicate in a healthy way because things will always come up with parenting even if it’s not about parenting.

If I'm being honest reading this disgusts me. A real man would never treat the woman he married and promised to cherish this way. It's supposed to be a partnership and if he's being like this now and degrading you verbally I don't really see it getting any better.... People can change small things about themselves but this behavior is no small problem. I would get out before you invest any more energy into this human... But that's just my opinion and I know easier said than done. I'm really sorry you're going through this. If you ever want to vent message me, seriously. Not just saying this to say it either, I am actually genuinely worried about you 😔 and you need some real support right now to get through this.

I hope you've had this conversation with him. And tried to communicate it with him. And sometimes on a different way if the first way didn't work. Since men accept and handle communication differently than women. And now that you have a child it's time for a new financial and living arrangement talk. My hubby and I have been together for almost 15 years. We try to refresh the things we want out of our relationship every year at least. Just because you talked about it all a long time ago doesn't mean you stop. Prt.1

Only YOU know if you should divorce your husband. Is this something that is unbearable or is this something you think he can work on. Does he even know that those specific things bother and hurt you? Does he think you are just attacking him and not appreciating him? (Remember men don't think like us half the time it's why they historically call us nags) is he treating you the way he wants his daughter to be treated? When you are ready and he is (tell him ya'll need to talk) so he doesn't feel ambushed plan a time to talk. Good luck first year after a baby is super difficult on relationships. Prt. 2

In 9 years, and even being as young and dumb as we were at 15 when we started dating AND being young first time parents to TWINS, my man has never ever ever called me out of my name. And as soon as we found out we were having twins we collectively decided we couldn't afford childcare for twins so he's paying for everything while I sit at home with the babies and I am a TERRIBLE housewife. Our house is a disaster 99% of the time, he doesn't make enough for us to live comfortably, so we're constantly financially stressed and he has NEVER talked down to me, belittled me, or told me to go get a job. I agree that therapy is a good first step because divorce is so ugly and expensive, but some things therapy can't change so definitely lowkey make your preparations if he can't change.

@Alexandra this!!!

I would first consider better communication and a solid discussion about all of these things, maybe couples therapy. Way different scenario I won't get into but my husband and I really didn't get along for a few months after our baby was born, and neither of us thought the other wanted to be there anymore. It took a lot of genuine uncomfortable communication, a lot of unpleasant conversations, to get through that. Our problem was more time than money. But, if he isn't receptive to even talking it out (without name-calling and yelling from either of you), then maybe it's a sign of things to come in your future. You are a person with your own feelings and wishes, both of you deserve to feel content with your dynamic if you're going to be together.

Bruh. This post makes me hate some women. People are so quick to judge and come up with solutions. But there is no one size fits all. Good luck love. Follow your heart and have open communication. At the end of the day you know what you want. Relationships take work. Yes he's calling you lazy and a bum but is he calling you a b*tch? Like how extreme is this? I've been in abusive situations and this doesn't sound like one yet. If you can't talk to him and talk him down from this behavior then you know what you should do. But not even a therapist will tell you that you should divorce him. That's gotta fully be something you want and think about.

That’s crazy yall okay with being called out your name curse word or not? Smh

As someone going through it myself. Talk to him about therapy. Blame it on the hormones if you need to. Just to get him to go. If he refuses. Then you could consider divorce. But TRY to fix it first

@India Man what I’m really looking at them crazy because who taught yall ts 😭where’s the self worth

@Marlecia being called a bum and lazy isn't calling somone out of their name, especially if it's true. I'm lazy at times my hubby and I are comfortable enough to point it out to one another and still be okay. In a relationship you have to be honest with one another. And let's face it. Everyone has moments of laziness. It's okay sometimes.

@Marlecia no fr. With the insane shit we've gone through in our lives, the stress and anxiety of growing up together from 15-24 becoming parents to TWINS when he had zero kid experience, if my man even as an actual child could stay respectful and kind and never call me out of my name there's literally no excuse to let that shit pass. It makes me so so sad to see what women settle for 😭

@Kylee Lol thank you! These comments are rough out here. I didn't know some women have it so bad and then justify it so casually 😮‍💨

I don’t think immediately calling it quits is the way to go, but he should know that if he doesn’t make the correction that it will be what happens and why. Explain to him that there isn’t much financial benefit to having someone else watch your daughter while you take up more hours. That each kid and additional kid is a big financial expense. If he can come up with an alternative that is financially sensible, then that’s worth talking about. If he can’t which he most likely won’t be able to he needs to accept what is. That you will not allow him to call you those cruel and inaccurate names, especially in front of your kids. And that if he continues he can try to get a house on his own and pay his current bills along with paying child support and a divorce lawyer if you leave. They aren’t big asks. He’ll have to face the reality of them somehow.

@Dianna No ma’am I understand what you’re saying, but at no point should he call her a bum or lazy out of anger. Why are you okay with that?

@Marlecia he's frustrated with her asking for more money and called her a bum. It's hard transitioning from life before kids and then now a 3 month old. People call one another names often in life. At the end of the day it is how we treat one another. One argument can't depict how my relationship is with my husband but an argument can get bad and out of hand. Such is life. We aren't living in a fairytale. After an argument I hope they reconnect and get on the same page. Men too often let their anger control themselves, these names are not always a sign it will get worse. Me, personally, I'd stand up to him and point out where he's lacking because it is never one sided then after a few hours so we can be more level headed discuss our blow up. 😋

@Dianna okay granted and as I stated I understand but 1 question right. Would you be okay with him acting like that towards you? You’re okay with that and your justifying the behavior from the author?

@Dianna Your not a girls girl clearly I can see that. In another post you took up for another husband because he wants his wife to lose weight. I saw the post and your response

@Marlecia did I take up for the husband or was it me giving tips to op on how to be healthier. At first I didn't even mention the husband. Women tend to be quick to leave after one thing being said... People are so quick to quit a relationship and not work on them these days. This could be two women or two men. I don't care. At the end of the day it is the persons behaviors overall. Not just one fleeting occurrence. This post. Should I divorce him after one bad day is how it reads. Like no build up and back story is hardly ever given. And half these women run here to rant and feel better but have you tried doing that with your significant other (open communication)? Don't have that kind of relationship? Why not? It's never how people share the information it's more of a Venn diagram.

@Dianna Ngl don’t send me paragraphs you right people do leave relationships quick but who in their right mind calls their partner out their name? If your okay with that that’s you but don’t tell other people it’s okay when they feel it’s not

@Marlecia never said anything is okay. You jump too quick. And thats not calling someone out of their name in my opinion. People are inherently lazy. People should be comfortable enough in a relationship to call those things out. Now in anger no, but in general.

@Dianna K be blessed because no ma’am baby you like it I love it

@Iman Miss ma’am I got all night please and I mean this whole heartedly don’t come to me with a long ass comment bc I couldn’t care less to read all of it. He don’t have a right to call her a bum and lazy its uncalled for and for you and anyone else who agree it’s not a big of a deal that name calling can really hurt someone feelings let alone self esteem so yes self worth is WHAT I SAID AND I MEAN IT. If she leave him that’s her choice not ours that’s her life not ours let your husband call you that you gonna be okay with it right? Okay go ahead

@Iman Lmao good for you girly pop😘

@Iman you know what I like you it’s humor and annoying 🫶🏾

@Dianna your bio says you were on bed rest, would it be okay for your husband to call you lazy during that? You also stated you hope to never work again, is it okay for us to assume you maybe ARE lazy? This woman is under 3 month post partum…. Why would anyone call her lazy? Why would you defend someone jumping on their partner for not providing enough when they just birthed a child… dude can help her out a little bit. Or a lot.

@Margeaux (margo) THANK YOU FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT

@Margeaux (margo) cool stalker vibes. Go read all my comments before you @ me. Looks like you missed the point of a bunch of things.

@Imangirl stfu and keep it pushing lmao🤣goodnight hell

@Rafaella I agree. I’m 26 and I don’t want to waste the rest of my 20s trying to change him if he doesn’t want to.

@Gabriela Orta I live paycheck to paycheck or go negative. Unfortunately I can’t afford therapy.

@Genesis I don’t think I would get child support. I live in Texas and he said he wouldn’t give me a dime. It’ll be in a trust to give to our daughter when she’s 18. Plus we would have 50/50 custody. I mainly don’t want to be in a marriage with a man that doesn’t see my value and doesn’t care about my quality of life. If I don’t pay my half, we’ll just owe money on it. He doesn’t care.

@Bernice I ran towards divorce because I don’t see him changing his mind. He does not care about my feelings. I just want him relive me of some financial stress during this season where I make less. I wish he saw us more as a team than whatever this is.

@Marlecia I don’t think he’ll call me a bitch or something. He knows I don’t play that. I don’t yell but he does. He tries to get under my skin during arguments with that yelling but it doesn’t phase me. I don’t want to tolerate in anymore because of our baby. That is toxic and she shouldn’t be hearing that. It just doesn’t feel like we’re partners. If I was the breadwinner, I would pay some bills on my own so he can have some money at the end of each month. If he controls his anger and agrees to pay a bill or two on his own, things would be better.

@Heather I don’t think he’s cheating tbh. He’s just greedy with his money. He’s currently looking at me more as a burden than a wife. He also doesn’t see the benefit of me working from home. We save money on daycare. I just hate how he switches up so quick when it comes to him having to spend money.

@Kayla I would be fine with joint accounts but then we might have arguments over our spending habits. I just want him to pay a bill or two on his own so I can have a little money left each month.

My main problem with him is that he thinks it’s okay for him to have more money and not contribute more to our bills. What’s his is his and surely not mine is what I get from him. I let this man use my car without paying car note and insurance (he refused to do it). He drives the car to work and I wfh and barely drives but I pay those bills. That took years to get him to pay half of that. I don’t see him being ok with paying any bill on his own for both of us to be happy. I guess being with him for 7 years, having 4 apartments together, moving out of state and now giving him his first child isn’t enough for him to put more towards or bills. 😕 I don’t think he’s in love with me anymore. How could you be in love, taking to me like that and not caring about my happiness.

"He’s just greedy with his money. He’s currently looking at me more as a burden than a wife. He also doesn’t see the benefit of me working from home. We save money on daycare. I just hate how he switches up so quick when it comes to him having to spend money." Add daycare as a bill. Especially if your working from home. Taking care of a baby is a job too. Charge him for it. Lol. Maybe a convo stating that since he doesn't want to pay more and you'd need a better job this is how much childcare costs and you decided to hire yourself! Lol. You can pay half and so can he! (There's come extra money for you!) It's great to be with a money person but he's using your car and stuff. Sounds like he pays part of it now but if he uses it most of the time charge him like an uber. Just a different route of pettiness but if your willing to leave him or entertaining the idea maybe this can help change things up and make him change and realize your value. He's got it good if he is coming home to meals and such! Good luck babe

He is treating you like free cattle. I couldn't stand that