Postpartum depression or just frustrated . Help!

Hello mommies I thought I will pen down my feelings here as its a safe space for me. I have cried a lot lately and felt very void. So my husband has his office and my MIL is here. However I feel like I dont get time for myself. When I want to do something I need someone to hold my baby. But with hubby busy in office I rely on MIL. But she is highly unreliable. Even if we give baby to her we need to supervise as she is not very careful and hurt my baby twice. Now we gave her kitchen work. Its been 4 months but never had I had my breakfast before 10AM lunch before 3PM and dinner before 10PM. I am ebf my baby and I starve so much so many times and there is nothing to eat. I am constantly pumping feeding or looking after my super active baby. My hands legs back neck shoulder boobs hurts.. infact all of my body hurts. I get headache. I sit in one place entire day looking after baby. I feed him from one hand and eat with other hand. No time to have enough water. I literally have half litre of water in a day. I can't bathe. I can't poop. I wait for husband to be free after his office. I had asked him once to take turns on night feeds so that I can sleep. But he never did it. Last Friday he was arranging the house along with office work. However I was equally tired. When he came into room at 10PM , I asked him if he is done with work. I was so exhausted. He asked what happened. I said I wanted to poop clean baby bottles and so want him to feed the baby in the meanwhile. However he refused saying that he want to relax now on sofa and watch tv as his leg hurts. I mean why can't he relax on bed and feed the baby. So I argued and he said he is standing all day. Well what about me. I am stuck in one place and not doing any other thing not even watch tv. He never worries if I am eating alone in room while he enjoys dinner with his mum. He never worries about mine entertainment while he watches and gossip with his mum. I rely on him for emotional support and he cares none. After 5 months of pp he had sex with me just once to get his pleasure and nothing after that. I don't understand what do I mean to him. I am literally done with him. I don't know what to do. MIL is a very very bad cook and equally bad listener. She has a habit of doing definitely something which we ask not to. I cried so much. I am so desperate to run away. I don't know what to do. I took counselling for myself a month back just for my sanity but it all seems gone now. I can't afford counselling again. Also I took counselling because no one listens to me in this house. I am so furious right now so frustrated that I feel like jumping out if the window.

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I am so sorry you're going through this ❤️ first just want to say that you're doing great and I'm sure you're an amazing mum to your baby! As I was reading this one bit of advice that came into my head was that you should make your husband read this. You've written a very thorough account of what it feels like to parent a newborn with little to no support - he should read this and contemplate what you've expressed. But as I got to the end I started to wonder whether it would make a difference. You will know in your heart whether your husband is someone who could read this and feel some love and sympathy and responsibility and spring into action to be a better partner to you and a better parent to your child. So that is something you could try, but I'll be honest if I thought the person I was with wouldn't respond to reading something like this and make a change... that's not someone I would want to share my life with....

I say this as someone who once spent far too long in a relationship I should've left much sooner, so I have the benefit of hindsight now but I know how hard it is at the time. I would have to issue now with telling a partner like this that he has simply turned out to be a massive disappointment, as a man, a partner, a father, and that I deserve better. It doesn't sound like your home is a very good environment for you right now, and in turn perhaps not a good place for you and baby together. Is there anywhere you could go? Could you stay with your family for a little bit to get some space and a little support? Also your GP might be able to help if counselling is something you need but would rather not have to pay for. Just massive hugs to you and stay strong, it's tough but you've got this. Xx

@Lisa there is no point in showing him this post. He is good at playing blame game. Earlier and today as well when I try to speak to him he starts playing victim of the situation. He said that so I am angry because he said that he is not feeling well and has pain in legs. Ours was a love marriage but I feel like I have forgotten what even love means. Also when he complained of his leg pain I even said that my whole body hurts what should I do. But he still yelled on top of it that i don't want him to take rest. I mean why TV, game and tik tok is so important to him that he cannot sit by my side and relax while feeding the baby

@Lisa is tv , game and tik tok all going to take away his pain. I mean holding baby can't take away his pain? Can't give him relaxation. What the point of a marriage where I am just alone taking care of things and if he has to take care he is gonna boast about it. Is this what marriage should be like

This is absolutely NOT what marriage should be like. But this is your life and you get to decide what you will and will not accept. X

@Lisa I agree with you. He cannot make me count all the things he do for me. I am his wife and not servant. If he has to do he should do selflessly and not boast about it

No relationship is perfect and it's not always easy / plain sailing but even in disagreements or difficult times there should still always be love and respect and support for each other at the core. I think what you're going through right now is really hard and there is pressure on both of you, and it's about how you deal with that pressure and you support each other through it. Be kind to yourself, take some time to think about what you really want and need, then calmly ask your husband if he is the man to give it to you, and take it from there. You deserve happiness, we all do - my kids are learning from me so I always ask myself 'is this a situation I would want for my kids or is this something I would want them to walk away from. And relationships take work, don't get me wrong, it goes both ways, so I'm not saying just up and leave on a whim - but don't spend too long trying to change something if you know deep down it won't and you can never be happy with it as it is xx

Thank you @Lisa for such a wonderful advice. I wish there to be more people like you

Does your MIL live with you guys because you could use the extra help or has that always been the dynamic? From experience, sometimes having an extra person with you can hinder you from getting much done and can also really mess with your relationship. If that's something you can change and maybe see if it makes any difference, you could start there. Also, with regards to daily activities like showering etc. If you have a baby bouncer, bring that in with you and see if it helps, more often than not, when baby is changed, dry, fed, and well rested, they will be a-okay just watching you do silly faces or chatting to them while showering/using the toilet/cooking. Babies feed off negative energy especially if they see you stressed so baby could be sensing your stress. As far as counselling, you are entitled to free councelling and would be put on a priority list to be seen within 30 days for a year postpartum so try that. You may need to do a self referral to your local talking therapies.

@Nour Huda No my MIL doesn't stay with us. She came to help us but rather it turned out stressful for me. Of course I want her to go. Yes I completely sense my baby sensing my stress. How do I self refer by talking in GP?

Definitely get MIL out of there cause that's not doing you any favours from the looks of it. I bet you will feel lighter and feel like you have more time. If it helps, you can get a meal service like hello fresh, their prices are good and so are the meals. Otherwise you can plan the meals ahead of time and do a weekly shopping based on that plus a snack basket to make sure you always have something on hand for you. I referred myself to my local talking therapies through a form online. You can look it up for your own area

@Nour Huda sure will do that .. thank you so much

Please feel free to reach out anytime for a chat, vent, whatever. I think you may feel better about trying to have an open communication with your partner and give it one more shot before you make a decision. Ultimately you know him and yourself and your dynamic best. If you think there's just no resolution looming in the distance, then perhaps coparenting may be a better option than forcing a relationship.

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