Scared

It's so strange that I've read this! I keep thinking "omg what if she's stillborn? I don't want to give birth to my dead baby!" So every time she kicks, I feel so relieved. I think this is just normal, my love, our caring maternal nature kicking in! I'm sure we and our babies are gonna be fine. We've got this 💕

It calmed down a bit but this week I started having bad anxiety about loads of things labour and beyond related and started having fear not as you ladies but that I will die. No care for myself, but the horror of thinking baby will be without a mother is quite paralyzing! Just bad scenarios about how her life would be and me not being able to look after her. Just this huuuuge maternal responsibility kicking in and I want to be in the best health and shape to be around and raise her and be a good mum! Crazy what pregnancy hormones and nearing labour does to our brain.

I think it is normal to have thoughts like this. I have a toddler and I am afraid for my own life because of him. And then I think omg his dad does not even know where we keep his socks so I have to make it. I am not so concerned about the newborn because stillbirth is very rare and also I have not bonded with her yet. Sometimes this takes some time.