First time parents

Men can suffer from PPD/PPA as well. I would ask if he is having any of the other symptoms associated. It could very well be that! I fully understand it seeming odd that someone would be annoyed with their child, especially when you aren't and youre in the trenches together. Do you have the energy to basically gentle parent him through his emotions to help him as well? It may also be a good idea for him to seek out therapy to help as well, or instead of relying on you to be his calm space.

I think it’s normal for the mom to bond more with the baby. It may just take time. My 4 week old is much more comfortable with me than my husband and I just remind him that newborns need their mom but toddlers are obsessed with dad.

@Samantha Also this. Apparently babies dont fully realize that they are a seperate being from their moms until like 6 months old.

People's threshold for crying is different. It might be more frustration than anger though. Alot of times men don't really bond with baby until baby is a bit older. Like able to look at him more or just size wise bigger. My husband didn't bond with my son until he was 4 months old and that was me pushing him on him. When he got home from work and showered he would hold him for 45 mins. One to give me a break but 2 to bond. Nothing against your boyfriend but I wouldn't leave him far from eyesight until his emotions get a little bit more evened out. It doesn't take much to get frustrated and do something you wish you hadn't. Being a parent is rough and it takes time to navigate. He can also try skin to skin bonding as well. The fussiness will end and sleep will come. Be encouraging to him and don't put him down for getting upset. His feelings are just as valid as yours.

Also when I get frustrated from my lo being super fussy I just look at his little hands and remind myself how little and helpless he is and how this world is all new for him. Maybe that could help your boyfriend?

My husband went through perinatal depression and was the same way. It was difficult however, now baby girl is almost two and the two of them are inseparable it does get better momma 🙏🏾🙏🏾you are doing so well message me if you need to and we can exchange numbers if you want

When I get flustered with my son sometimes I have to put him down or hand him to his daddy and just walk off so I can recollect myself and come back when I’m good sometimes I cry sometimes I just need to take a few deep breaths. But I’ve learned it’s not being flustered with my son for say it’s more flustered at the situation. Could that be what’s wrong with your boyfriend? It’s the same way with my husband too.

@Stephanie things were really rocky for us prior to me giving birth and there being a lack of communication on his end was a very big issue. I’ve really tried to get him to be more open with me bc then when he’s not it’s led to issues so I’m not sure. At this point it’s been a constant struggle to get him to open up. I always end up having to really pry things out of him and even then he’s still somewhat unwilling.

@Sami this exactly! When he has gotten frustrated it’s noticeable in the way he ends up speaking to me/her. Or even this morning, baby girl was crying (she’s been somewhat cluster feeding) dad got super annoyed and was speaking as such and i grabbed baby, i noticed this and asked him to make a bottle and he kinda slammed the bedroom door. When he came back to help me change her she ended up pooping right after and we laughed about. It’s not that I don’t trust him with our daughter but in the moment I know his emotions just like anyone else can get the best of us. I think I needed to hear this tho, especially since when he does get upset I take it personally. I definitely need to be more mindful.

@Savannah I think it might. Most of the time when she is crying he kinda talks to her frustrated asking her why she keeps crying or why she won’t go to sleep. I’ve been trying to get him to speak more to her.

Ya really try not to. I had prenatal depression, and now have ppd and ppa. I am having issues bonding with my baby too and she's not really all that fussy. I'm her cow though. She's constantly on me but otherwise pretty chill. It's a struggle of his I completely understand. Just as I will come out of this he will too. It has nothing to do with you or the baby. It's about him and he probably does need to talk to someone and parenting classes can help too but do it with him. Try to build him up letting him know he's doing good. I know that seems backwards and he should be doing it for you. We often times forget men struggle with all of this as well. Encourage each other and try for some you two time. Regardless of its just sitting and talking while she is quiet, watching a movie playing a game ect.

Honestly that sounds like what it is, my husband is the same way and I am too. My best advice is just talk to him. Yall will learn her cues with things it just takes time.

@Sami This is good advice, I really appreciate you saying this. Thank you🫶🏼 ps. You got this! Ik breastfeeding is so so hard, you’re doing great!

Thank you. @Savannah mentioned baby cues and I don't know why I didn't think of this until then. A great class my husband and I did was called Durstan Baby Language. It's done by a violinist who has sound photographic memory. She learned what specific sounds they make mean and it's pretty universal. I loved it and it really really helps figuring out what to do to soothe and calm baby.

I'm so sorry I cannot relate.. my man bonded with the babies qay quicker than I did, he handled all of my breastmilk and bottled and bagged it all for me, he kept track of their poops and pees for the pediatrician, he kept track of how much we were all sleeping, he was literally a whole super hero in the beginning and I'm so blessed 😭🩷

A lot of childhood trauma gets felt when you have a baby like maybe he is uncomfortable with the crying because he wasn’t supposed to cry or people got annoyed/upset with him when he did as a kid. Also it is just different for moms and dads. My baby is 19 months and still my hubby has a hard time bonding with her. Sometimes I get sad about it because I want them to have a good relationship and him to enjoy our daughter like I do. And I want the help! But I just have to remind myself a lot that moms and dads are different and he will find his own way. Take it from me…trying to force them to bond doesn’t work and just adds more tension to every relationship

@Stacy this would actually make sense, my boyfriend and I were very emotional kids and we are both Hispanic so I know first hand that he was not allowed to cry at all as a kid. His parents themselves have told me how much he used to cry and how they used to scold him, so this could be a reason that he isn’t even aware of.

It's a huge learning curve especially for parents in their early 20s and more so men. It's okay to be frustrated but to maintain your relationship it's really crucial to learn how to be open and talk to each other without being resentful or spiteful. This takes time. Honest the first year with my hubby was rough with our first. We both were figuring out how to be parents and figuring out our own traumas and how to process them.