Would you amend things with mil for the sake of your daughter?
Show your support
I agree with Laura
Thank you, I honestly feel the same. I feel she was the one who started this mess so she should be the one to apologise, it’s just stressing me out as now my partner is making me feel bad and even my own dad (who knows how badly she upset me) is saying I’m being selfish by not letting her see her own grandchild. It’s making me feel so bad but at the same time she was the awful one so why should it be to say something?
Short answer is, absolutely not. She never apologized that’s enough there. Why can’t he tell his mother to apologize. It is sad that her actions have kept her from visiting her granddaughter. If she is still with the guy then double no for that. I wouldn’t want my daughter around some random man that talks to me (or any woman) that way. If my husband kept pressing the issue with me then I’d seek couples therapy to help him understand my perspective and to work through it together.
Thank you for your input, exactly I feel bad my daughter doesn’t know her other grandmother but that was mils own fault for treating me that way and not apologising at all. Also my daughters is still so young and with me most of the time, I don’t feel right about her seeing mil without me there. She’s still with that guy, I told my partner if we ever reconciled from this he is not allowed around our daughter he’s literally not even family. We’ve done couples therapy that’s helped a bit but couldn’t continue due to the costs of it, but therapist told him to write a letter to mil (as he finds it hard to confront her) telling her how unhappy he is about the situation and how he wants her to apologise. But even if she does after this letter has been sent (which so far have heard nothing) it’s the fact she’s been asked to apologise not because she genuinely wants to
Yeahh I agree with @Christian you, have not kept her from her grandchild, she has kept herself from her! And yeahh I think he should imagine if the shoe was on the other foot, if you and him had made a decision for him to do something for his child, and someone not only made their disagreement known but threatened him over it! Bloody Nora! I do hope you’re all okay
Exactly, it’s crazy. I even had to call the police that night to report it as I was so scared and partner wasn’t even in the house when I got these threatening texts. To go from all that to then expect her to be in our daughters life without even apologising is mad to me, I’m glad others see that as my partner and my own dad had me feeling like I was in the wrong
Nooo they don’t see it from a mother’s perspective then! Like it’s scary! And if you bend now at something so unbelievable she’ll be doing lesser things and thinking she can get away with it too! She 100% needs to apologise and gain your trust back!
I get that. It wouldn’t feel sincere at all. I honestly don’t know if I could forgive that let alone have a normal relationship with her after that. That’s literally so scary not to mention you are postpartum and healing, that’s horrible to do to a postpartum mom.
@Laura exactly, really annoyed me when my dad said that to me tonight. It’s none of his business either if I allow her to be in my daughter’s life! It’s been a whole year nearly of this and my partner making me feel bad and me just stressing about it or if I will bump into her (she lives only like half an hour away) so I do want to put an end to this as even though nothing has been said since I feel the weight of it. I also worry when my partner looks after little one by himself if he’s taking her to her. So in that sense I want things to be all okay but I don’t think it should be me to solve it
@Christian exactly it’s not going to be sincere as she would have only apologised (if she does) because of this letter. Honestly it was so scary it was just me and my daughter alone in the house that night. And for it all to start with texts from a man I barely know telling me how to raise my daughter…. Like of course I would be upset about it!! Just crazy honestly before I got pregnant I used to get on with her but after I was pregnant she turned on me
Stay strong!! It’s difficult to navigate these situations! Tbh I don’t think your partner would be asking you to reconcile with her if he was taking your daughter to see her. Also I’d just say that put the ball in her court if she wants to make amends she can it’s not you who crossed the line at the end of the day.
It’s not heartbreaking for your child. It really is not an essential part of life to meet one’s grandparents. I don’t mean to be heartless. I grew up with both grandparents from both sides, my fraternal grandma died a few years ago and it didn’t hurt, I felt sorry my dad loss his mother but as a granddaughter it didn’t hurt. She was very disrespectful to my mom. I never liked or looked forward to go to her house in the summer, never wanted to go on holidays and to this day, being old enough I don’t regret not having a good relationship with her at all. Mothers are essential. Disrespect my mom is disrespecting me.
@Laura yes I’m going to wait and see if she wants to apologise and if she does I’ll ask if we go for a coffee or something the two of us so we can properly talk through what had happened, as I feel I can definitely not be normal with her after if she does apologise I need to know her proper reasonings. Also I wouldn’t let lo be with her by herself, I would have to be there during every visit as I just don’t trust this woman now!
@Nelly thank you so much for this🙏🏼 it is a worry for me to think would my daughter feel upset that she doesn’t know her grandmother on that side well. So even though im sorry you didn’t have a good relationship with your own or that she didn’t treat your mother right, it’s reassuring to know that you don’t resent your parents for not having a good relationship with her. My grandad on my dad’s side was the same and we never saw him after I turned 7 and I honestly don’t miss or regret not knowing him. I just worry when my partner says these things like she needs both sets of grandparents etc, but surely if mil wanted to be in lo life she would apologise and not be so awful to me
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Trusted by 5M+ women
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Trusted by 5M+ women
Yeahh I didn’t know my dads parents as he made the decision to go MIA I never even thought of them so it’s not a shame and she’ll never miss who never bothered! And that’s what she’s doing if she spent the same energy on trying to make amends she will have a great relationship with her! I do hope she does see sense from the letter! ♥️ and yeah I’d definitely want to have a discussion in an open public place hahaha xx
The thought of a man (especially one that I don’t really know) begging to take care of my baby gives me pedo vibes 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 And then he was supposed to come and threaten you in the middle of the night? No. If it was my child, the first time they’d be seeing her after saying that would be from “the great beyond.” Hell no.
Idk dude the whole “let’s just bring our kid around them because it’s been a while” take is odd to me. I don’t know that kids should be hanging around people who treat their parents poorly just because of how they’re related that kid. I mean yeah it is sad, and also, actions have consequences. You can’t expect someone to want to be your bestie if you speak to them the way they’ve spoken to you.
It seems like you’re a good, forgiving person who just wants an apology from her to move forward. However she has not apologised, I feel if she does apologise then yeah you could consider her seeing your daughter, but again don’t feel forced to just because she’s pressuring your opinion partner. I think have a discussion with your partner about things properly and what is best for you, your child and family moving forward x
Thank you all for your replies on this, it is reassuring to know I wouldn’t be alone in not having had mil around daughter since this has happened. Was going crazy thinking I was being over the top about it all, but now I see from other mamas they would feel the same as me. I’m awaiting her response from this letter and if she gets in contact and wants to apologise and talk I’ll be all ears, but I will lay it down to her that I will not ever let that happen again, I do not want her talking bad about me to my daughter, that I wouldn’t allow her around my baby without me present and that her boyfriend can stay the hell away from us! But if I get no response I’m not going to be the one chasing her. It’s not fair for the blame to be on me when it was literally her who started it all
Not. A. Chance. No way! You get to choose what happens with your child’s life, others may disagree but you have to respect that final law. I’d just say if she wants to make amends she can but after her threatening me because I want to look after our child I’m not going to one who reaches out. To be honest it speaks volumes that she’s trying to make your partner feel guilty and basically forcing your hand. No way! There needs to be boundaries and she has severely overstepped!!