Am I in the wrong for not wanting to coparent my step daughter anymore?

foremost, take care of your mental health and your baby. However, yeah I’d say you’re in the wrong. If my husband started to back out of parenting my child when I was pregnant with his child then I’d be heading for the courts for sure. I work with a lot of kids and 9 year olds are brats by nature 🤷🏽‍♀️ Is she her dad’s youngest right now? Does she have any relationship with her mom? Maybe she’s starting to resent you and the baby a little for taking time and attention away from her. Maybe people are saying things at school. Unfortunately 9 is not as young as it use to be. All these things come in to play. I agree she shouldn’t be allowed to disrespect you or terrorize you, but she’s the child and you’re the adult. Maybe have a conversation with your husband in the calmest way possible about how you’re feeling and what you’re dealing with when he’s not around. Then, ask her. Talk to her. Maybe she’s not mature enough to name her feelings, but she’s certainly old enough for a conscience

No, you shouldn't have to feel that way. And is this really an example to be setting to any of your kids? That this is the way to be treated by a man that is supposed to love you? You are meant to be a united front to your children but instead he's siding with his daughter and allowing a wedge to be driven between you and them? I think you need to put your foot down to get on the same page or be done. Wishing you peace and happiness and a safe delivery of your baby 😘

@Kayla I have talked to him and her and he just gives in to what ever she wants. I ly way she'll listen is bribery. Like I never had issue slike this with her until we got pregnant which was planned but now he's saying it's a bad thing. Like I ant enjoy the pregnancy and I'm going any day. Already 38 weeks and 4 days. I've never felt like with a child. But she has me scared to watch her and have to yell at her every single time. And then I'm in the wrong for disciplining her.

@Tamsine thanks for that. Like he always sides with her never says anything about the baby. He pushes the baby aside for her Everytime. Making me feel like I'm the only parent to this unborn lil man. I'm the only one trying to do what I need to do. He just stresses about having her Everytime and takes it out on me. She started being mean to me and not listening soon after finding out and I'm about to give birth with complications so being induced and she does not care. She keeps not listening to me making me yell at her then tells her that I was yelling at her and he don't let me explain and just does whatever she wants.

I don't think you're a bad person. I think you're tired of being alone in this. I also see what he's saying with that although worded terribly, I'm sure he's feeling the strain both from you and his daughter. I'd personally have a sit down with her and ask her how she's feeling about the baby, if she's nervous or jealous. Trying harder to connect with her personally and not leave it to dad is a good idea as problems between existing children and partners will always cause problems in the adult relationship. No one can control if you wipe your hands of it but the relationship won't just go smooth from there. Yelling at a 9 year old multiple times should maybe tell you the screaming tone isn't working. It sounds like you both need to work on things.

@Dezzy thanks I have tried to talk to them both but he just gives in to her and it bribes her. And I hate having to scream I don't even scream at my kids. But mine are older and respect me . Unless he bribes her she don't listen to me no more. And this all started a lil when her mom came back in her life. And it got worse when we got pregnant. And she's said multiple times that she don't care about me nor the baby. So it's my job to protect the baby as a mother. Like it hurts me that she started to treat me different. I was her mother for how long until her mother decided to get clean and be in her life again after 5 years. So I was that stepped up mother who was their for her and treated her like my own.

Like now I feel like a mistress anymore. Even though I'm the wife and he just works all day and tries to take care of her and pushes me away and he says I've pushed him away but I haven't done shit to him. I'm the one dealing with everything on my own. And when I try to tell him how I feel I'm crazy for having feelings.

I couldn't imagine being in a situation like that around the father of my children and I am so incredibly sorry that that's what you're going through. Unfortunately it sounds like the "separation tactic" of jealousy and the sense she's "losing her dad" could really tear you apart if you let it. I couldn't handle a "man" like that, can't separate being their best friend from being their authority figure

Thanks like he's always been like that with her and I've told him that it needed to change before she got older and he always agreed with me but then still kept going. But I'm in the wrong. My kids have never treated me like that. My kids are older and respect me and would be making sure I don't stress and would be my nurses making sure me and their brother would be good. Not making me stress out yelling. And they don't like how she treats me either.

I think you have a husband problem. Not really a step daughter problem. He is having a bad actitud and clearly doesn't want neither his new baby, nor taking care of his own daughter. I would just let him figure out his things with his daughter and just leave with my baby. You deserve better to be ignored

Do you have her full time?

Nacho parenting.

I wanna leave but I got no where to go. I got no money since I'm on maternity leave.

Like he got home and right away came at me threaten to punch me. And is still going off. Not carrying. Took her out to eat today while I was home starving. I tried to talk to her and she ignored me. Cus she sees her dad treating me like shit so she does the same.

Like I've put my kids aside so many times to take care of her. So many times I've made plans with mine and had to cancel cus I had to take care of his. And he didn't care. And I'm done. I gotta do mine.

@Amy he don't see it like that. He's still mad at me cus I didn't pick her up today. Yelling at me saying I should be doing more. When I literally slept most of the day since I've been contracting. And he doesn't care that I've been in pain. Doesn't care that him treating me this way and in front of his daughter is wrong. And she's going to think that it's ok to be treated like that as she gets older

Like the other day she told me she hadn't washed her hair in like 2 weeks and I told her mom to make sure she washes it since she won't with us and then she went ahead and said it's not true. And made me look like a lier

Honey if you have any family or friends or anywhere you can escape to you really need to go! Domestic violence shelters do not just cover physical abuse but they also covering emotional and mental abuse too it's a very scary path to have to take but it is so so worth it in the long run on your raising your baby without the encumberment of that narcissistic asshole. If it's anything like my ex, sounds like he is treating you worse and worse because he wants his ex back but doesn't want to be the one to end it with his pregnant wife over his junkie ex So he feels if he treats you bad enough you'll leave and he won't be the bad guy.

Honestly with her being so young it's probably both his ex and him perpetuating her behavior All of this is very terrifying and I really really hope you get out because these updates make me scared for you. The stress of what he's doing alone can put you into early labor if you're not already at due date

@Dezzy thanks ice thought a lot about it being about her. He talks to her so much. But if I talked to my baby dad it would be an issue. I would be accused of cheating. And all the shelters are full their is a waiting list for all. Even the emergency ones are no longer emergency. And I have no one.

I'll be 39 weeks on Monday if I even make it that far. Since he has me contracting again due to all the stress. And yelling at me and calling me names. For years I supported him and his daughter on top of paying all the bills. And now he had an issue of doing shit by himself.

Damn man. I'm so sorry. As his wife I'd lay down the law that it's my house too. Let him know that you're tired of feeling constantly alone and choose a room with a lock strong enough to feel safe. When the divorce proceedings happen let them know you're in a place of dependency because of your pregnancy and soon to be birth (girl don't let them ruin anything else eeeeeek be soooo excited! For you! Enjoy your first boy cuz man! I got a boy and let me tell you, it's like nothing else!!!) document the racism, disrespect, threats of physical violence. Document it all. File for emergency housing, when you have a newborn you're streamlined. At the hospital they ask if you feel safe at home, there's safeguarding laws to protect you because so many have died trying to fight. Don't add yourself to that list. That kinda escalation can become real, so fast.

Thanks I just gotta make it until I deliver. I gotta figure something out. I'm tired of being unhappy.

Like we still haven't gotten the basinet and I just brought it up and he slike ice been busy

When you go into the hospital for labor, tell your doctors and nurses that you and your soon to be born baby are not safe. They will know how to help you and they will keep him away from you.

Not only that. They have social workers to help with shelters, state provided assistance, as long as he's not on birth certificate, has to go to court to establish paternity and then it's ordered child support before consideration of visitation. Document everything and protect you and your precious baby. I know it's such a vulnerable time and idk if you believe in God, but I felt every time I was the lowest, I felt the most strength and determination. I hope to see a post about your prospering soon!