Mum tells me I’m doing everything wrong!

My mum is really getting on my last nerve. Everything I do is wrong, or everything I suggest is wrong. Sleeping in same room as baby , according to her is stupid and ridiculous and she didn’t do it with me and I turned out just fine so I should do what she tells me. Breastfeeding is apparently selfish, because I’m depriving my husband and family from bonding with the baby by them giving it a bottle. She wants me to have a particular baby bouncer, I didn’t like it and have chosen a different one and that’s wrong and I’m being rude and selfish. She speaks to other people basically tells them I don’t know what I’m doing and then constantly sends me things (knowing I’ve done my research spoken with my own friends and already said what I’m doing or what I’m getting) and when I say I’m not getting that or thanks but not thanks I’m told I’m being rude and selfish and not accepting help. She’s bought clothes in size 9-12months saying it’s pointless getting smaller clothes as they grow so quick and at least they can be in clothes much bigger and grow into it and you get more usage out of it. (She genuinely believes il be putting my newborn baby in clothes for a 9 month old). Oh and we don’t know the gender so haven’t got any names set in stone, and she constantly just shouts names at me and I don’t like them etc etc and she says oh I’m being too picky and need to just pick one of her brillliant suggestions, then when my husband came up with a boys name my mum said we can’t use that because her boss’s baby has that name (we don’t know and have never met this person!!!!!! And it’s our baby!) This is only a few things there is so much more! I just can’t win! It’s doing my head in!

Show your support

Oh God, I do not envy you - she sounds like an absolute nightmare!!! Literally could not handle this. Do you feel comfortable to kindly, and politely, telling her to F off? 😂 All jokes aside, just stand your ground and put in boundaries if you can - this is your baby and you make the decisions. If not, just ignore it all. It's hurtful to have an unsupportive parent, but you're better off having faith in your own choices and discussing your choices with your partner. As an fyi - my baby will be breastfed, in a cot next to me, wearing clothes we've chosen, and also don't know the gender or have any solid names... So don't think you're making any wrong or selfish decisions! There is no pleasing some people and I hope you are okay 💕

There's just no pleasing some people. Can you distance yourself from her slightly? Put some boundaries in place and say how if she doesn't respect them then you and baby will simply spend less time with her?

Sorry you're going through this. Hard as it may be stick to your guns you know what you want and what you feel is best for YOUR baby. Things have changed since your Mum had you and it's actually recommended for baby to sleep in the same room as you for the first 6 months also nothing wrong with you wanting to breastfeed your baby. When it's your first baby family and others love to give you unsolicited advice and opinions it's so annoying. I had people giving me advice and opinions when I had my first and now I'm having my second no one has said shit to me about anything lol

Oh bless you. Easier said than done but I think you need to let her comments wash over you and just say thank you for the advice mum, I will have a think about it and then just do what you think. That way you do not have to justify your decision or feel the raft of mum. Everyone has their own opinion and experience that they will push on you but you just need to do what your gut is telling you. Also things have changed/moved on for babies since your mum gave birth (research, advice etc) so take it with a pinch of salt. No one in our family knows our name, just me and my husband, we know the gender which everyone knows. Just keep that part for you both as everyone will have an opinion on it and it’s special to you. Good luck!

Ahh... welcome to the world of older relatives with strong-but-outdated opinions. Just smile and nod then ignore. Honestly, it's crazy how wrong some ideas can be. My mum wanted me to crush up rusks into my baby's milk so she'd put weight on 🙈

I worry because I know if she’s this bad now…….. it’s only going to get worse when the baby arrives. And il be forced to make a tough decision….. Also she will do things behind my back for example she will purchase her own formula and if she’s got the baby she will feed it formula herself even if I’m exclusively Breastfeeding. She’s already bought her own bottles……… She was telling me today how she got me and my sister into routines the night we came back from the hospital etc etc. 🤦🏻‍♀️ apparently a a week old we were sleeping through the nights 🤦🏻‍♀️ she’s going beyond delusional at this point and worry she could actually be a danger to have around my baby unattended!

Just don't let her have access to your baby then.

You need to put your mum in hey place and tell her to butt out. Why the hell has she got bottles? That's so weird

It's great that you've recognised that her behaviour is unacceptable, some people would accept being treated like this - gotta stay strong! However, if you want this to stop - you will need to take control of the situation and confront her before the baby is here. Probably won't go down well, but it seems necessary for yours and your baby's wellbeing. Make sure you have someone present to support you, I would just take an "enough is enough" approach the next time she does something out of hand - explain she has now taken it too far and she needs to accept you will raise your child how you want to. I don't know how old you are, but it might be that she feels you are too young for this responsibility - but regardless, give her reassurance you will know what is best for your baby. Recognise she feels she is doing her best to support you, but it isn't the support you want - tell her what support would be helpful to you. Sorry you're going through this!!

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌