RULES for my baby

Bring it up to everyone as a group

Hmmm, 9-11 is irrelevant… no one offers food/sweets to a newborn. 6 is a bit harsh, everyone needs advice. if you really want to share this then send it to your family and friends that you know are most likely to visit but I’d tone it down a bit 🤏

If someone sent me a list written in that tone I wouldn’t be visiting them at all

@Asia @Sophie im jsing this tone bc there is a lady in this house who already doesn’t follow my rules- like if someone just comes up to me and reaches out and touches my bump i feel uncomfortable-im not a very touchy person, this lady has done it multiple times AFTER being told i feel uncomfortable and i don’t like it. she has also told ME what she plans on doing with my baby once he’s here-things that i just don’t want done AT ALL and yet she is heavy on them-the rules are for everyone yes but mainly for her-and i’ve told her a dozen times i don’t want this to be done-or im not doing it that way, she’ll ignore me-and say im gonna be a bad mama-yes i understand my “tone” is-a bit extreme BUT i feel as tho i have to put my foot down because she already doesn’t listen to me as is. thank yall for y’all’s feedback tho💕

@Sophie thank god you’re not visiting me then🧍🏽‍♀️

Ok so rules are great and all and I respect other parents choices but if someone sent me this list I wouldn’t be visiting at all. Once your baby comes everything changes. I once thought all these rules of no kissing, waiting to visit etc were great but once my daughter came the loneliness set in, the post partum arrived and all you want is social interaction from someone other than your partner. the advice unfortunately comes from every single person alive and it WILL drive you insane. People see babies and they just can’t help but to give what they think is “advice”. All I can say is don’t stress and maybe when people do come to see the baby just casually tell them the first 5 rules. Babies will get sick. It’s inevitable. I had my daughter in the summer and she had a stuffy nose for a few weeks even though she didn’t go anywhere. Their bodies are new and even though you want to keep them in a germ free bubble that bubble will burst pretty quickly

@Asia all of my rules are relevant in my opinion-people come to me and say they will be feeding my child this and that so yes-9 is relevant-and for 11 i’ve seen babys around here with tablets and phone s in there face and they pretty much are addicted to an extent-they don’t talk, and are behind on most milestones bc of them being in front of a screen all the time. and 6😌i ask not to be parented bc i simply don’t want to-say, im feeding my baby and someone comes up to me and saying “do it this way” id simply say “no” bc im doing it the way my baby likes and the way we’re both comfortable-so NO😁i wont be toning it down a bit bc most of the mothers in this family had the same rules in the same tone bc we have ignorant people in this family and need to set our food down so we don’t get mad and seem like the bad guy-thank you for your feedback Asia💕

I totally get rules 1,2, 4, 5, 6 and 8. Rule 3 isn't going to do any harm to your baby, so seems a little extreme Rule 7 again a little extreme, once someone is over a bug they should be fine to visit without infecting you or your child, but there's every possibility of getting poorly just from leaving the house. 9, 10 and 12 are just not applicable to a newborn at all. If this is going to family and friends though the tone of it is needlessly harsh - just something you may want to think about.

I genuinly think I agree with them all, but at the end of the day noone else's opinion should matter, this is YOUR baby and what you say goes, if these change as soon as baby is here who cares?? These make you feel better right now and do what makes you comfortable 🩷, hope all goes well

Wow idk. Maybe im just laid back but i couldnt even imagine writing a list. The washing hands is a given and id just mention it before anyone wanted to hold the baby. The illness is also a given so if anyone says theyve got a cold id say dont come till ur better... everything else being saidnis just extra.

All well and good setting rules but they do come across very rude & I’d be put off visiting you all together as would 100% feel unwelcome with that tone 🤷🏼‍♀️ Could be a little bit nicer with some pleases & thank yous.

If this is what your comfortable with then definitely have this discussion with family! Your friends will understand when you tell them your boundaries but family can be over baring sometimes. Be firm and let them know it's a privilege to be in the baby's life not a right and to plz respect your rules. It's only while your baby is tiny so they should let you enjoy your first year as stress free as possible. If they can't respect you then they aren't going to respect your baby's best interest so I'd just steer clear of them if they give you a hassle tbh. It's worked for me so far and my son is 10 months old now. Goodluck Hun 🤗

@Becka 3 is not extreme-i for one don’t like strong smells it gives me a headache and i’m just not 100% when my head hurts so Becka 3 is going to do harm-for me and baby, if im not feeling myself i don’t want to project that on my baby or others. maybe 3 is extreme for YOU but not for ME😃. 9-10-11 are applicable to me bc i have family who say they will do whatever they want with my child and that includes feeding him what they feel is necessary-i will be breastfeeding and don’t want my supply to shorten bc he is being fed something else in the early months. i understand it’s harsh BUT as said above j have family that will ignore me and my request with my body (like don’t touch my bump-im not a touchy person,never was) so yes-im coming off as harsh bc i want them to hear me-they simply don’t get it when i say “no please don’t do that” so i will be as mean as i have to in order for them to work me me and the rules ive set.

All of your feelings are totally valid! You need to protect your baby not other people’s emotional egos and if you loose anyone for that stuff they weren’t worth having around to begin with. Not harsh at all. Sending love!

@Daniela i just love you-wish you could tell the other women in my comment section the SAME thing🙄thank you so much for the wishes X💕

I mean you can have them but people may not follow them. People will always give unsolicited advice. My advice is just take it on the chin. You haven't got to do it and they're most likely not judging your way it could be that they've tried that before with theirs and it didn't work so they're giving you the advice they wish they new at the time .

No matter what anyone thinks here, this is your baby and your rules. The people who matter will respect your boundaries and the people who don't have no business being in your life anyway. I see you explaining yourself a lot in these comments to those who very clearly think their lack of understanding/innability to respect boundaries is more important than your feelings of safety and comfort for your child and I just want to remind you that you don't owe anyone an explanation. "No" is a full sentence. You are already doing so well with even considering what your comfort level is and what concerns you have for your kid once they're born. That's some A+ parenting already. You've got this 🩷

As a group

Personally I wouldn’t send it as it’s a bit much. Maybe when you send a text to announce the birth maybe put something about contacting you first so you’re not swamped with visitors in one go. If someone asks to hold then I’d mention to wash hands first. Or if someone takes a photo then I’d mention social media. The woman you mentioned it sounds like she wouldn’t pay attention to it anyway. Not sure who she is (I assume mil) but it might cause an uncomfortable living situation even if it’s their house even if it is your baby.

@Sara thank you so much-i’m literally crying while reading you’re nice words😭💕

@Karen hi-hello😃as it’s stated in the picture above i ask people to not come uninvited-in other words, let me know if you’d like to visit us. as said above i said ill be doing the monkey SEE monkey DO-i’ll wash my hands before taking my baby back and also mention “if you like to hold my baby please wash your hands” and if it does turn out to be and uncomfortable living situation then ill just simply ignore her-and state that she can see my baby from a distance if she can’t follow the rules i’ve set in place for my bay boy😁

Baby and newborn etiquette is something that family needs to talk about when the baby gets here. The hard part is talking to older family members that had so many kids and did it "there way". Understanding that as a mom especially a new mom we have certain boundaries for our baby is important for me as a mom to feel secure around close relatives and friends when our baby is here. We are going through alot of different skeptical feelings when our baby come and when people don't listen it makes a really beautiful experience tarnish. So have your rules and instill them in your family. For me i knew noone in my family would listen to me so i distance myself once my baby is born sadly I needed the support to help me along. Sometimes too many rules can be a double edge sward, moving forward I would try to only mention things that i have done with other people's babies that are also healthy for my baby and still set reasonable boundaries without hurting people's feelings that you care about.

Your baby, your life. I 100% agree to all of it. Unfortunately people have to actually be told these things. Just because other people are more ‘relaxed’ doesn’t mean your choices are invalid.

Whenever I see people write lists of rules like this I always think that I would never have anyone to visit who needs to be given a list like this anyway.

I disagree with everyone else! I wish I did this! If you know what family and friends are like and they will go behind your back then you set boundaries straight away. After my little one was born I had people taking him away from me when he needed a feed, passing him around without asking and even sticking a finger in his mouth to see if he had teeth!!! I would maybe just say to soften delivery and try to tell people all at once so nobody feels individually attacked. But by all means set the standards before rather than telling them after

@Lisa because Lisa i am a new mother and if you’d read i have people who don’t listen to me already-i am a new mother and would like for my baby and i to be as comfortable and safe as can be-thank god you’re not visiting me Lisa i wouldn’t want you around me or my child with your energy😌thanks for your feedback tho💕

@annika💕 I was merely saying that rather than protecting your peace with this list you could protect your peace by being very selective with who you allow to visit.

@Lisa i wouldn’t wanna do that-for everyone who visits CAN follow my rules-they are not hard at. all. i want everyone to experience my baby and have the joy of meeting him-now if push comes to shove(if someone doesn’t follow my simple rules) i will simply tell whoever can’t follow my rules they can visit my baby from a far i honestly don’t care who’s butt hurt or mad-i had rules and expectations and i even follow my rules and if they can’t bc they believe they are an exception or just bc they don’t want to then-they can fuck off🤷🏽‍♀️

Okay so I’m currently pregnant with my first but my SIL had a baby September 8th and, though she doesn’t have a written list, has made the same rules (and more) pretty clear. No one has had an issue. Most of these “rules” are just common courtesy and knowledge. Don’t come if you’re sick. Wash your hands. Absolutely no social media - why would they even think about doing that without asking? Don’t feed a newborn sugar. Don’t wake up a sleeping baby. No smelling like an ashtray or perfume section. Absolutely don’t just show up!! These should be understood! Sorry you even have to write them down! Nothing seems rude and absolutely advocate for yourself and your baby! I mean maybe it’s because I’m from the northeast and we are just very straightforward but this is the furthest thing from rude and the rules are quite simple and easy to follow. You do you mama!!

As a group and just explain that you are setting these boundaries for very good reason and would appreciate them being followed. I had a November baby and nobody batted an eyelid when I asked them to wash hands or handed them hand sanitizer. Anyone asking to visit, I just politely mentioned the no illness thing again, and double checked everyone was all good on the day before they came. I do have to remind people to stay off phones around her, she's 10m old now and she makes a beeline for them but other than that, all reasonable requests!

@Sarah I have to second this. While I still am very much a no kissing type of mum everything changes when your baby is born. My friend was a ‘no visitors’ just her and her partner for at least a week but labour is hard and you need your family. It often doesn’t go how you planned and it can be so shit. Not to mention PP that shit is rough and you need your family for support. I don’t know if writing it down and giving it to them is abit much in my opinion. I think maybe just speak to them all in an approachable way, you’ll need them. I’m not by any means saying what you’re doing is wrong, you do whatever you feel is right . I asked family to wash their hands before holding my newborn. He was in the NICU I was very anxious about visitors. I just said it before anyone held him xx

Not y’all telling this mother her rules for HER CHILD are unnecessary and saying “ I wouldn’t visit if I got this list “ ok good that’s the point!!! The ones says that are the type of people that wouldn’t need to be around anyway. You’re doing a great job mama. These rules are definitely reasonable. I think a group discussion with your family would be easier because it’s a one and done. Those who have a problem simply won’t get time around your baby 🤷🏾‍♀️

Those sound like common sense to me while visiting a newborn or someone else s baby.

I don’t think the rules themselves are that extreme (except maybe the food/sweets one as this is for a newborn and anyone that thinks they can feed that to a newborn should not be allowed round them anyway) I don’t think it would hurt to throw a couple of manners like ‘please’ in there though.

I so agree with this and number 6 specifically. And no offense, but all the people commenting this post with “you shouldn’t say this, you shouldn’t do that” is just what you don’t want to! Sorry ladies but let her do what she wants. It’s her baby so let her figure everything out on her own! I will have rules as well when my daughter arrives, and would be happy to follow if that was the case of someone else’s baby and they sent me something like this. Wouldn’t blame them 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think you are 110% allowed to feel this way towards anyone. I don’t care who it is this is YOUR baby and YOUR BOUNDARIES. I know it is so hard. I got into a fight with my mom on Christmas because she wanted to invite certain people. My baby was only weeks old. It happens to everyone, people won’t respect you, people will make you feel crazy. Please, stick to your guns. When your baby is older you will feel better about everything. Other peoples happiness is not your responsibility. If others can’t respect your boundaries, especially as a new mom, they don’t need to be around you. I hope you have a good support system. All the best! ❤️

I always find it ridiculous that these have to be written but some people tend to lose all common sense around a baby, so yes, these are 100% necessary. Also, be very prepared to verbally correct people when they come to visit. Good luck ❤️❤️

Rules are great, but there are always going to be people who won’t follow them even if you say it to their face so just be prepared for that. One big rule of mine is taking off shoes at the door. I have to tell my SIL every single time to do this. Same thing with washing hands I have to tell basically ALL my in laws each time. When you’re dealing with different generations which I’m assuming the lady you mention is of an older generation, it’s really hard to see eye to eye and a lot of older people think we’re just too woke lol. With that said, I would just address each rule in person individually as it comes along. I.e. someone asks to hold Kam, you say wash hands, someone asks to feed him you say no etc. good luck 💜

And to add that I think you’re warranted when it comes to what you let people do and what you expect around your baby!

This is a great list! Might have to use it😭 heavy on the don’t put a tablet in their face, PLAY WITH THEM. cause cmon now

I had similar concerns. You’d be surprised how much people already know most of these rules and common courtesy. The people that don’t you probably don’t want around you anyways. And the people that care about you most won’t be offended if you bring it up out of love for you and your baby.

This is great 😊 only # 6 maybe could be worded better . Deff do it love that u are practicing ur voice and boundaries early bc trust me it gets so hard when baby is here . Ur gonna be so vulnerable and wish ur partner will advocate for u n baby but more than likely he won’t

I get it. I get all the items on the list. I’ve had all that and beyond from some of the people in my world since becoming a mum. Set your own boundaries for your inner peace. I didn’t do a list or formal rules as I’m a solo mum and didn’t have the confidence but I’ve had to speak about a number of things with people on that list - and been utterly disrespected at times. Especially when people were sick, wanting to feed him full of sugar, kissing him, and parenting me - f-ing infuriating x