Frustrated and need advice

My partner and I have been TTC for 5 months (I know not a long time but it's v frustrating) My partner is the one who brought up the topic of me having my BC removed and start TTC. However, he never wants to BD or even do the do for fun even when I'm not ovulating. I feel so alone at the moment. And I've spoken to him a few times about feeling rejected and like I'm the only one who tries to initiate and he says he will try to do better but then nothing ever changes. I feel unattractive and silly to even try and approach the subject anymore with him, as its embarrassing trying to initiate and to be turned down again and again. Any advice would be helpful please 🙏

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My husband identifies as partly asexual. Like he definitely is happy during sex and enjoys himself but he has barely initiated sex between us in the 12 years we have been having sex. I wonder if it could be something like that? Also my husband has this symptom from his severe ADHD that has to do with basically a freeze response around anything that he could be rejected by. So even if he wants it sometimes he doesn't intiate because he is having a fear of me rejecting him (which I have done). Sex is so complicated and it's hard especially with the pressures of making a baby. Something that helped us was actually mutually planning sex dates. I know it doesn't sound sexy but then it was like we both initiated it so neither of us felt less wanted.

@Julia I have asked if this is the case and got a very resounding 'no there's nothing wrong I just don't want to' and when I bring sex up at all it's like I've asked this awful really terrible thing

Might be worth him talking to someone else? Like a therapist? But I'm sure that's a very sensitive topic and might be hard to open up to a stranger. Ultimately it sounds like he just needs to open up to someone about it. Keep trying and give him time. Does he take care of himself with his hand instead? In the meantime, if you both really want kids and sex isn't an option, then you could try using one of those mosie baby syringe things to inject his semen into you at the right time.

@Taylor I've offered for him to go to therapy and he keeps saying there's nothing wrong but to me there obviously is? He doesn't solo either which is why I had asked him if there was a possibility he was asexual, he said absolutely not and that he enjoys being intimate but he'll say things like 'I forgot and got too tired/I was waiting to surprise you to be spontaneous but it never felt like the right time/maybe later' I just don't feel like I can approach the subject at all anymore

If he is truly too tired, maybe try changing up the routine? Sex before you got out for a date or in the morning or something? Also maybe try following VanessaandXander on insteagram? They are great sex therapists. Maybe they'd have some insights. Maybe it has to do with his initiation style or something. Might need to dig in a bit more to figure out what he needs to feel open to intimacy.

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