Challenging behaviour
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@KIM yes exactly we both like to be in control … it’s super hard for me to change but I will take what u said on board and try to relax a bit
@KIM I was thinking about what you have said and trying to apply this ….i think I don’t want to be in control for the sake of it but cos her behaviours/ decisions do affect me a lot for example if she decides she isn’t going to school I will have to stay home and not go to work or if she takes too long getting ready I will end up being late to my appointments So letting a 10 years old having a control over their life not really practical Fair enough if she can take care of herself or can face the consequences of her decisions but that’s not the case atm
Yes, so you need to guide her. Of course, she can't stay off school, and no, she can't be late. The things you mentioned in your original post, eg clothing, are things she could have control over. Treat her a bit like a toddler, ok we need to get your hair done and teeth cleaned, which are we doing first. But speak to her kindly and with respect. Kids don't respond to shouting, they want to feel heard. Are you getting dressed first or breakfast first. If she says neither, then she'll go to school as she is. She's not going to want to turn up in her pj's. School and lateness isn't your rule, so you can sympathise, I know it's hard going to school everyday, I feel the same about work, but we've got to go otherwise we could get into a lot of trouble. Be on her side, be a team.
@KIM thanks a lot for your comment .. I got what you mean My real struggle is when we are going out to work/school or when we are going to an appointment…she won’t say she isn’t going to school or not getting dressed but she will create challenges for me for her to do that like she would say she doesn’t like to wear tights or want certain dress that isn’t ready at that time or isn’t suitable for any reason so I end up getting stressed cos I am struggling to meet what she wants or convince her to accept what’s available…. It’s a real struggle since she was younger… I had to change her school so she is more interested on it and I should admit that helped things to improve a lot but the issue is still there I agree issue is she wants to have control over her choices however those choices can be sometimes unrealistic. Btw I gave up on a lot of things like diet choices
My son is axactly like this 🤦🏽♀️,I understand is very frustrating.
What about giving her some control and responsibility? I understand that you're doing things to be efficient, but what about taking her shopping, give her the list, the budget and let her pick. Then it's up to her. You say she doesn't listen. Do you listen to her? Do you make her feel valued and heard? Don't be disappointed in her, she's a child. Maybe you're frustrated because things aren't going how you planned. Maybe you could look at how you respond to her and situations that aren't within your control. Maybe relax more about situations. It sounds like perhaps you like to be in control and organised, and I understand that feeling. However, your daughter may like to have that feeling, too.