In law issues over birthday gift

I understand that it’s a bit frustrating that he went against your wishes but I think it’s a nice gesture and it doesn’t really matter who pays for the gift. Maybe next year don’t go shopping for gifts together or give him suggestions of what to buy. I would try and not think about it. It would be way more of a shame to let it cloud your memory of her birthday.

I agree with @Kathryn, what matters is that you put the thought in to it and chose a special gift, not who paid for it x

Hmm... I dunno nice gesture but also rude if you made it clear that you wanted to be the one to buy it. That said grandparents can sometimes forget that these are special things for the parents too. Could you give it back and get vouchers and pay for it yourself?

I honestly hate the grandparents taking over gift giving. This year I got up the courage to say no gifts at the birthday party and it was a really nice time without it. On the actual birthday we will give him the next size up bike and a helmet. It is hard because they over step often. My in-laws gave my son close to 40 gifts for Christmas, most were little and a few really big things, but it just made our gifts feel like less. I don't like how overboard it feels. Sounds like he just disrespected your wishes in general, I don't think that is right.

Actually also had a disagreement with my partner on this. It's a sensitive topic. Boils down to a fear that our LO will not love us as much as someone who bought a bigger or more expensive gift or at least in my case. Thinking about it I realised its ridiculous but I still wanted the big present to be from us and it meant we had to dictate a budget to each set of grandparents so there is no sense of one upmanship. I don't recommend that at all as it was so stressful and one set ended up sending double the agreed amount over to us to get what we chose anyway which totally misses the point. I'm not going to turn down extra money for his savings though and in reality he's not going to know, realise or love them more for it I had no grandparents as a kid and was v spoiled when a toddler by my parents so it's new territory for me and I'm ashamed to say I'm scared LO will prefer a grandma over me 🙈😅😥 Definitely don't go shopping with FIL again or tell him what you want to get.

I think it also doesn't matter if FIL didn't understand that it was important to you to be the one to buy it (if he thought he was helpful) or that he intentionally wanted to hurt you by depriving you of the chance to get it, stealing your idea and the credit. Doesn't even matter. You said not to do it and he should have listened so he shouldn't be offended if you have consequences for him breaking your boundary now and disrespecting you. I hope you enjoy the day anyway! It's the quality time that counts really and you can tell Lo it was your idea to get that

We took my daughter to build a bear for her birthday (get a bear for the price of their age). My in-laws were with us and my MIL decided on upgrading the bear to have a message and an outfit. I recorded the message and said happy 1st birthday from mommy and daddy even though they paid for it. (They also bought her her big present of a play kitchen and all the accessories) MIL wanted to buy her her first pair of shoes. (Which we also got for her birthday-day). I am super particular about the shoes my kids wear and was pickey at the shop but found a pair I approved of and she paid. Some things I don’t mind them paying for as long as it gets approved by us first. But in your case I’d maybe let FIL know that he overstepped and let him know how hurt you are by it.