It’s a long one but I need advice!

I have recently separated from my partner of 6 years and we have a one year old daughter together. I’m considering going for full custody but I want to know my chances and how best to prove to courts why I don’t feel he is a fit parent. I can name a long list of scenarios where I have had to step in whilst he has been with my daughter, as he has done things without thinking that could have potentially caused her harm. He has been emotional abusive for years ( this has mainly been behind closed doors so unfortunately I don’t have loads of texts etc to prove it😭). He has also been very controlling and has verbally threatened my family to me. There has recently been sexual abuse (which he strongly denies) where I just cooperated over fear of him getting annoyed and the repercussions of this. Him and his family are racist and homophobic. I work in a school and I know this would bring up so many red flags in the future if she was around this. He’s been unreliable- going out drinking whilst we were together, not coming home and no contact when this happens. I have basically been a solo parent from day 1. He’s never put her down to bed, and never spent more than an hour alone with her until recently when we have separated. When I have picked her up from his parents, music has been blaring when it’s been so close to her bed time. He has refused to put her down for naps when she has been extremely tired and due one. They use a car seat which I have communicated isn’t safe for her… I’m trying to keep things as smooth as I can, as he is currently still paying for the mortgage whilst we are looking for somewhere else to live. He is at his parents in the meantime. Handing over my daughter to him is going against my every instinct. I’m finding it all unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof, the thought of him requesting more time with her (overnights) makes me feel physically sick. Ive been to the doctors and am on medication and having therapy because of the trauma he has put me through but Ive honestly got to the point where I think I’d have rather just deal with the abuse from him directly but know that my daughter is always with me and safe. At the moment he is acting like Dad of the year which I am finding extremely hard to deal with.

Show your support

It’s definitely a long process! But you gotta do what’s best for your child!

Think about your child and her health and well being. Would you want a man to put her through all of that? Or would you want her to escape from it? It can lead to your health as well as her’s to decline. Do you think they have a bond or not? Another thing to consider for her sake. It looks like here you have her Future in her best interest versus him. I don’t know the full story. But from what you’ve shared so far, this isn’t normal nor healthy in any way. It’s your choice.

My biggest fear is that courts will turn round and give him 50/50 which will be so much more than the one evening and one afternoon/evening that he is having currently. Him and his family can turn really nasty, and if they know I’m doing this, they will put me through absolute hell. I really don’t think I could live with that happening

Keep everything on record. You have to stick with what you’ve experienced with this man. If you fear their family will do things to you, you have to defend yourself and your daughter. Because that will show how they don’t respect you being the mother of that little one that you take care of. If they can allow him to do this to you and your daughter, to the point where it’s abusive, keep that on record too. How they did nothing about it. That way, the Courts will view them in a different lens. You know your position, you know the circumstances. I pray for the best.