Behavioral or Speech delay?

So first of all pls don’t judge me. I have a daughter she’s 3. I love her so much and I’m worried. She isn’t doing well when it comes to potty training and also she has a speech delay. She knows how to pee and poop on the toilet it’s just a matter of her being consistent with using it instead of using her training panties. She does this thing now where she’ll poop and bring the poop to me on a piece of paper or a wrapper she got outta the trash. She’s not understanding that it’s gross or nasty. Behavioral wise she knows what we say to her but she’ll laugh or if I tell her “put your pull up on” or “put your pants on” she’ll stare at me instead of doing it and laugh. We have been working on a physical free way of disciplining her like timeout or no toys for a few mins. But it doesn’t seem to be working. She doesn’t spend a lotta time with other kids (her cousin on my side is only a month old and her cousins on dad’s side are rlly bad influences and curse and call the mom names). I have also opted out of daycare because personally I just don’t trust them and have heard stories from friends who are daycare workers. Her dr is not a big help either. So does anyone have any advice pls?

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Don’t use training pants, it’s confusing for them because they feel like a diaper and are just doing what they’re used to. Try naked time at the house for a few days so she doesn’t have the comfort and “safety” of clothes catching her pee/poop. It makes it easier for them to understand they have to sit on the potty because it doesn’t belong on the floor. They’ve been using diapers their whole lives and it was totally acceptable to go in their pants then so why not now? There has to be more of a distinction so they understand the expectations are different now (go on potty vs in diaper/pants).

I was hoping my 3.5 y/o stepson would be fully potty trained by the time I have my baby next month, but it doesn't look like that will happen. We were just told by a behavior specialist today that she has worked with kids ages 4-5 who aren't potty trained. She also mentioned that once you start potty training, you shouldn't stop. She has found that taking a child every 30 minutes (when potty training) is most effective. It was interesting, but she also mentioned that timeout is not effective until age 6-7, and negative consequences just make behavior worse when they are this young. With my stepson, we are going to start implementing a strategy of "First/then" with a visual thing they've made for us. E.g. "First you are going to put your pull up on, then you are going to pull your pants up." She told us that keeping it really simple- one directive at a time- is key. They also need 10 seconds to process what's being told. Hopefully this helps a little!

Thank you. That helps a lot. For me it’s just the playing with poop that is hard to deal with. I have poop all on my floors now and tbh I think she does it bc she’s bored. I will stop with the pull ups

Also, just a side note, my stepson does have a speech delay. He is learning words and phrases, but he uses behavior to communicate more than not. Just thought I'd add that, since I reread the title of your post

It’s definitely tricky but in the beginning especially you can’t take your eyes off them. So those first couple days when they’re naked you have to be with them constantly and as soon as they start going you immediately put them on the potty. They’ll start to understand the cause and effect of that. Also have her help clean up her accidents without it being a punishment. Just simply, when this happens that happens.

Go to library play dates, mom group something to socialize your child.

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