When do dads start to feel more connected to babies?

I’ve been struggling a bit with my partner. He had his doubts about having kids before we had our baby who is now 4 months old. He recently said that having our baby confirmed all the doubts he had in his mind that led him to not want kids (loss of freedom and flexibility, impact on our relationship etc) which are all valid. He reassures me that he loves our baby but that it is hard (which it is and I don’t disagree with his feelings). I do wonder if this gets easier for dads as babies get older and do more/are more interactive. I see him with our friends’ kids who are toddlers and he is amazing. Any thoughts or experiences of something similar with other dads?

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My husband struggled at first. Felt useless and not needed because baby only wanted me (breastfeeding) didn’t help that I was tired and cranky and after having the baby attached to me all day and night the last thing I wanted was for my husband to even hold my hand or talk to me. Our baby is 3 months old now and my husband has definitely build a strong bond with him. When baby wakes up for a feed in the early morning I usually bring him into our bed. The next time baby wakes up he reaches straight for daddy with big smiles and they just lay there smiling and cooing at each other for ages. When dad gets home from work in the afternoons baby’s face lights up and he gets so excited.

My husband bonded with both my sons before I did. I had really bad ppd and I didn’t bond with my sons until they were both over 6 months old. Everyone is different.

My husband got more connected around 6 months but at one year old that’s when things REALLY CHANGED - suddenly I had a real parenting partner participating because men bond more through play and he couldnt really do that with a baby once she started walking it took a change

I think when it gets easier and the kids are more interactive he will find his way to develop a connection through playing and sports and whatnot.

Everyone is different, but changes to "freedom" and flexibility is what comes with parenthood and you'll have to adapt to the changes. Being parents is a partnership, you have to work together so responsibilities don't weigh on one more than the other, although as mom's we do ALOT but that's where dad is supposed to pickup the slack to even things out. He might be craving the interactive and playful part with the baby but that comes with time, he just needs to be patient supportive. My husband has been bonded to our baby from the start, he stayed awake for 48hrs just to watch the baby while I slept in the hospital so I could get rested, and cooked every meal for me for the first 3 months pp, so definitely depends on the man. Also if your relationship struggles, incorporate dates or go out as a family. We go out as a family every weekend, vacation every 2-3 months and couple dates periodically.

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