Opinion on SAHM Job

Very true! A lot of moms unfortunately have no money because the house has no money after bills. But, if the husband has extra money left over it should be evenly split at each paycheck after all necessary expenses

In what respect do you mean by pay? To go towards the children and household expenses? Then yes of course mum shouldn’t pay everything it’s 50/50 but if you mean a wage solely for yourself then respectfully I disagree, we shouldn’t expect to be paid for deciding to have children, they’re a blessing and I don’t think we need monetary incentive to be the best parents we can, it’s the hardest job in the world but even if I didn’t have a penny to myself Itd not change my feelings towards parenting. Nights off and date nights without the kids that’s my idea of pay 🙏🏻

I agree but I get confused when this happens are yall saying yall don’t have access to your marital partners bank account or your own access to yalls money…Is what yours not mine and mine not yours? Bc if I stay at home or I’m working I have access to OUR money at all times and of course I’m gonna consult him about major purchases but for things I need such as deodorant or makeup, is that something I need to ask for an allowance for?

So after bills and expenses I just ask what flexible money we have and then I do as I like 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Cindy Absolutely. This is why I have let my husband see how expensive is childcare before offering to stay at home with the kids. I am able to save those money instead of paying the childcare we used to. I think if he would have never seen the actual childcare prices & experience paying them; he'd have thought it's just something I have to do without any kind of financial support. Which is wrong because we currently have 3 kids and the work I do looking after them & the house is insane.

@Courtney from my understanding, i think they mean because the agreement was for mom to stay home with the kids and dad manage all the financial aspects....mom should get a monthly pay/allowance because without it, she HAS NOTHING for herself...not even to buy her own underwear or to simply say " im going to buy myself this shirt today", or even coffee. Because they are broke and they're unable to make their own money because of their agreement... not to be paid for their parenting or parenthood. I think in that case, this shoudlve been added with that agreement between you and your spouse or make adjustments by bringing your needs up. If that's not working, then it's time to make other arrangements...especially if your spouse can afford it

@Daisy very good point . Its so different in every household and between every couple, so i assume when they say this, it is because they dont have access to money for things they desire to do outside of the kids and household expense

@Charlotte ohhh okay I understand, apologies OP I misread I think, so in that case ABSOLUTELY! If your husband has control over the money you should be “allowed” to spend whatever you like (within reason 🤣) mums are human and have needs too, if I need something I just buy it, same if I just want something for myself but I am lucky in that department because my partner wouldnt deny me anything, his bank details automatically enter at checkout🤣

Girls, we have separate accounts and are happy like this. When I meant pay, I mean weekly allowance for mom's own needs. This is to ensure she can buy if she needs clothes or toiletries or even coffees. Not an actual salary lol But I end up spending in on the kids anyway😂

interesting. a japanese housewife typically has control of all finances, husband gets paid and deposits the whole check into his wife’s account, then she decides it into bills, gives her husband an allowance and keeps the rest. did you tell your husband you want him to pay you?

I find this interesting too. Until fairly recently, I never realised that married couples with children may keep their accounts completely separate. If you share a home, a bed, children, and other most important things in life.. then how come it’s an issue to share your finances. You’re a team, sharing the load, therefore should be sharing the benefits of this collaboration as well. Although I may be bias, since I find working and providing so much easier than raising children and looking after the house, etc. indeed, there are extremely tough jobs out there but I am talking about most jobs, so more of a generalisation.

Wtf you wanna call it. Whether allowance or salary ABSOLUTELY the mum should get it. Especially if she was making her own money and not important if she wasn't anyways. It's a huge sacrifice to stop working or embark on not being able to work for your kids. She should have her own money from him that is separate from the family money absolutely. Men love this position to keep women financially abused. They love it when you have to ask for some few coins to go buy pads. It's important to let him know he needs to step his game up.

@Lav Girl!!!! Exactly my point! If I wouldn't do this sacrifice, he'd have to pay childcare which costs much more. I'm getting a £300 weekly allowance. And I take care of 3 kids 24/7!! 1 baby, 1 toddler and a preschooler. Doctors appt, school pick ups / drop offs, baths, dinners, nights with baby , you name it. All he does is go to a 8-5 work and when he comes home everyone is washed, fed & in bed. My husband has a shower and can relax. So please tell me anyone would offer such a full-time childcare for 3 kids for this money!! He told me he wouldn't swap for the world. As I take care of everything. On top of it all I maintain our house, do shopping & do gym (before 7 am when he goes to work) so I can maintain myself for him. I think I'm earning it! Most of it ends up spent on the kids anyway but is nice to not have to ask for every need I have.

Appreciate that you have the privilege and honor to be a stay at home mom. It’s hard enough for most people to just get the bills paid.

@Rachel First of all, I never once said I don't appreciate it. Don't get it confused. And I never once compared myself to anyone else. I am aware my husband earns above average which is why I can get the weekly budget. Get off your high horse please and re read what I've said.

@Rachel shouldn’t the appreciation go both ways? The husband should appreciate the privilege and honour to have children, a looked after home, and to be able to work without distractions. Providing for a family isn’t harder than looking after the family/ home/ children. In fact most 9 to 6 are actually less demanding and challenging. The only reason a husband in this scenario is able to progress, earn the money and focus on getting the money is because the wife is covering all these other responsibilities. It’s a team work where each role is valuable. They both made a choice to bring children into this world so both must contribute in their own way. No one forced the man to have children, so if he’s not looking after them most of the day, then covering all the family’s needs and expenses is the least he can do.

@Sia Thank you!!! She probably meant we should just shut up and be happy we can do it without expecting any kind of appreciation from our partner. This is why many women in case of a break up they don't have a dime to their name. It is wrong. Don't you think I also wish to finish my studies & go back to my job? Relax after 5-6 pm? Have a social life? I do, but it is a sacrifice I'm willing to do for us. In the meantime he appreciates me pausing my studies & work for us, and he shows it through financial help. This way I can put money aside & finish my studies whenever we are ready for it.

Men have perfected the art of shaming women and women have perfected the art of just accepting their nonsense behaviours. They make women think that asking for financial security is being a gold digger or is embarrassing and she should just stfu and be happy that he's paying the rent and feeling her car lol 🤣🤣 yet he doesn't lift a finger to help but wanna cry how hard he works for the family. Mr man ... give me my coins okay lol 🤣🤣 pay those bills and give me my dues too. Not the " but I gave you x amount last week for the kids why not use that" key words are for the kids not myself so no I will not use that. Yk ... women really need to be strong and take no bs not only outside the home but also inside the home w the partner. If 20 is all he can afford per week then he should put it in your account. It's a sacrifice for the sahp and they should never let the other one forget it

You were equating money/allowance with appreciation.

@Rachel it is part of appreciation though and that's the whole point specifically with the sahp. Absolutely nothing wrong with that because they'd owise be also making an active income if they worked as well. Which means 50.50 with the kids physical needs which they never want hence the sahp decision. And even if the sahp wasn't earning before they still deserve to be appreciated financially. I wish more women would ask for their dues. They earned it. Infact imo even the one who works actively also deserves an allowance too that is just hers from him because she's still the default parent.

@Lav Louder for the people in the back!!! Girl I love your responses. You are absolutely correct! Of course money equates to appreciation. I am feeling APPRECIATED when my man takes in consideration that I have needs, and even though I dont have PAID work, I WORK a lot. And it is for us. For our family. I know my worth. I know how much I put into this family. And my man does too. He always says he doesn't even know how I do it all, how I remember every detail, everything we always need. As I said before, he can just relax when he's home after work, and that's because of the work I do. So yeah. I am definitely equating money with appreciation.

@Lav I'm saving your comment lol that's so on point. These days most men aren't real men. They don't take pride in providing for their family. They are quick to call you a gold digger and expect us to "build together with them" Boy you're 30 year old; I ain't building nothing financially. I done my degrees, now I can provide for you a FAMILY. It is your responsibility to provide FINANCIALLY I swear I am so lucky to have a 'traditional' man. That takes so much pride in providing for us financially.