Quick question

Do you mean, how much to spend on a gift?

No I would like to give him money.

I think whatever you’re comfortable with, honestly. If you have a partner, I think it would be fair to confirm an amount they’re comfortable with too. That’s what my husband and I do and being on the same page, especially about finances, is important.

It’s hard because clearly you are saving a ton of money by not going and giving a monetary gift is just the nice/right thing to do since you can’t go. If it were me and it was someone I was very close with, I’d probably give $250. If it was someone that was a friend but not a super good friend I’d maybe just give $100 as a nice gesture. Either way, there are probably people that aren’t going and aren’t giving anything at all!

When my husband and I gift money for a wedding, we usually try estimating what the per person cost the wedding party would be spending on us and give that. Usually it’s about $150-$300/pp so we normally give anywhere from $300-$600. But we’ve given more and we’ve given less depending on the type of wedding and how well we know the person getting married. Also, if giving money feels weird (especially since they’ll know exactly how much “you spent” on their “gift”) maybe ask if there’s something they want to do during their honeymoon and gift an experience for the newly weds instead? Like a sunset dinner cruise etc. Ultimately it’s your choice however and whatever you’re comfortable giving.

Thank you very much ladies. Your comments were all super helpful. 🤩

We generally like to think about it what the other person gave us if there’s a comparable situation in the last we can look back to. Did he give you anything for your wedding or a special occasion? Knowing what he think is reasonable could help. Also imo I agree these things are best discussed with a partner if you share finances. What you think is reasonable may be way higher or lower than what your partner thinks. Before we got married we played the game money habitudes and that helped us understand how we value money differently and it makes these social financial decision way easier to handle.

He is a supportive friend that I have known for 10 years. He’s getting married in South Africa in January 2025. I really wished that circumstances were different and it was in the US. But I really don’t want to go on a 14 hour flight. Plus I don’t want to inconvenience him right before his wedding with having to get me from the airport etc. He volunteered to get me an Airbnb. But I can’t leave my teenage daughter alone for 7 days. So I figured why not Zelle him some money instead. My boyfriend suggested $250….I wasn’t sure if it was too low. I haven’t gone to much weddings. I’m so out of touch.