Toilet training

So my eldest is 4 next month and we are still really struggling with toilet training. We’ve been trying on and off since she was like 2.5 years old. To start with she was happy sitting on the potty but a bit freaked out when she did a wee on the potty and we just kept offering it but basically letting her decide then when our youngest came along as expected she didn’t even want to go near the potty at all for awhile. We haven’t pushed it too much until in May this year we figured we would blank out a weekend pop her in pants and see what happens, well we had to give up on that after a day or two as she was going to make herself ill holding it in, she was so upset whenever she did a wee on the potty but didn’t care about having accidents on the floor 🤷‍♀️ For awhile after that weekend again she didn’t even want to go anywhere near the potty again. We started offering it again and she has sat on it without a nappy a few times now but again won’t do anything on it and will still only sit occasionally. I’m kinda at a loss at this point we’ve tried a reward chart, she liked it but not wanting to go on the potty was more important to her, we’ve let her pick her own pants in the shop, we’ve done stories and the bebefinn YouTube videos where they sing about potty training, we’ve used our 1 year old to convince her by asking the bigger one to show her how to sit on the potty etc I was desperately hoping the 1 year old would do a wee by accident so we could make a huge fuss and show the bigger one it’s a good thing 😂 but nothing is working she’s just so stubborn and strong willed and doesn’t want to do it 😩 Just to add we also have 2 different types of potties and a seat for the toilet and it made no difference, she did have a paw patrol seat (loved paw patrol at the time) which broke but even that didn’t convince her to try

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I would approach the health visitor for advice and nursery as sometimes they can start potty training. If not then you may have to take her to the GP so thst she isn't having accidents when she goes to school

@Asha I haven’t spoken to the health visitor yet but did have a chat with her key worker at preschool at the start of the year and she said that they would offer her the potty while she’s there and have conversations about it and stuff but agreed that she is just so stubborn about it 😅 she has a new key worker now as the old one left so I may have another chat with them but she’s also so shy at preschool, she’s been there a year and a half now and she still won’t speak to most of them and if she does it’s only in smaller groups. Luckily she doesn’t start school until next September but yeah I am starting to worry about it now

I had something similar with my son, he wasn’t fully toilet trained until he was nearly 4. Nothing I did at home worked and he was so so stubborn. I tried every method and trick and he would just refuse and scream and sob. In the end, his teachers at preschool pretty much gave him no choice and just took him to the toilet, and suddenly it clicked and he was trained so quickly. I think the peer pressure element of joining in with his friends going to the loo and wanting to please his teachers was what worked.

@Becka ah I’ll definitely have another chat with them then. Unfortunately she only has 2 more days at holiday club until they stop until September, was thinking of giving it another go while she’s off and we can just stay in for a few days but if that doesn’t work I’ll see if they can help in September.

I don't think she's being stubborn lovely, I think she's developed a fear or anxiety over it that's now created an aversion which can be very difficult to navigate. I'd reach out to the HV/GP regarding it because trying to force it could make it worse too. If seeing peers using it in nursery too still hasn't helped then more and more pushed me that way. Sarah Ockwell Smith has a gentle potty training guide and these 2 articles may also be beneficial for you in the mean time xx https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2018/11/23/potty-training-regressions-and-refusals-why-they-happen-and-how-to-cope/ https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2018/06/02/why-potty-training-accidents-are-a-good-thing/

My daughter is 3.5yo and we have a similar experience. We too have been trying since she was just after 2yo, but after peeing in the potty a few times she started hating it and didn’t want to go near it. After few months we tried again and still nothing, the worst part was she was holding it for hours and hours. Last time we tried last April and she held it for almost 24hrs, we put her back in nappy but she still couldn’t do it for hours. No physical issues. Rewards don’t really work for her, we have books, seen videos, explained her why it’s important to get the pee out etc, 2 different potties (that she doesn’t want to use) and a toilet seat (we give it a name and tried to “be friends” so now she’s okay sitting on it but she peed only once in like 2 weeks). Sometimes she pees in the toilet at nursery (once every few weeks I’d say), but the advice we had form HV and GP was to give her time 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t have any suggestions, just here to say you’re not alone x

@Rhiannon oh yeah the last thing I want to do is force it. We were thinking she’s developed some kind of fear about it hence trying to get her to teach her little sister how to do it, we were hoping if she saw her sitting there and again I was hoping she would accidentally do a wee that it would help 😂 it kinda did, it was the first time in ages she agreed to sit on the potty. Yeah definitely going to get in touch with the HV.

Sounds like you need a solid plan to make it easier to stick to. Check out BigLittleFeelings Potty Learning course on Instagram. It has scripts and a plan for all the different types of pushback you are or might experience. The biggest take away is to commit to being done with diapers. Going back and forth is confusing

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