Keeps delaying ttc

Speak to an Imam to talk to him

Sorry what is ttc?

What’s ttc?

Trying to conceive

If ttc means trying to conceive & it’s already been 3 years then I think it’s time to leave. Why should you have to settle in trying for a baby just because he’s anxious & not ready for 3 years in a row, going to 4?? You’re the one who has already made the sacrifice for 3 years to wait for him to be ready, now it’s his turn to commit or it’s time for him to get our otherwise he’s going to waste away your life sis. As sad as it is, our egg count decreases by a lot after a certain age & he’s just going to make you wait around till it’s too late & then you’re struggling to conceive. I don’t want that for you You gave him an ultimatum but he said basically said he doesn’t care he’ll still wait another year & then he’ll say the same thing the following year

At least he’s being honest I understand it’s frustrating but you can’t pressure him into having a baby sis that’s wrong . He’s being honest and telling you he’s not ready for a baby yet if you ain’t happy with that then you should leave I guess

@Tasnim I get it sis but being a parent is a life time commitment and if he’s not ready then he’s not ready, if it was the other way around ppl would say it’s her body her choice and what not . She can either wait another year or keep it stepping as hard as it may be

@Amira I get that it’s a life long commitment but at this point he’s literally just pulling her along coz he keeps changing his mind as to when he’s gonna be ready. She can’t really put her life on hold for someone who’s gonna be changing his mind every year as to when he’s gonna want a kid coz imagine she waits another 2 years only to find out it’s not difficult for her to even have children? That’s not fair on her & what if she waits & then he’s like he doesn’t want kids or he’s still not ready & that they need to wait longer. That’s not fair on her so at this point she needs to sit down & have a serious word with him & if he’s not willing to commit then they’re clearly not right for each other as they both want different things. She’s waited & has given him the time that he asked for but he’s now asking for more which isn’t fair

I mentioned couple counselling yesterday as a last resort and he declined

After speaking to him again, it seems that he wants to have a child when he is ready. If I'm here it will be with me and if I'm not then with someone else. He's not fighting to save this marriage at all, which is so heartbreaking because we went through a rough patch previously and he was ready to end things. I kept us together and suffered so much in the process.

Do good men even exist? Looking at the posts on this group, is the grass even greener on the otherside? My single friends are struggling to meet people, I just think how will I ever meet someone? 😔

Sis leave. If he’s willing to walk away so easily just leave and heal and your person will come in due time

Speaking from personal experience I waited for almost 5 years for him to be ready it created resentment in the marriage. He still was not ready and I was ready to call it quits when he unwillingly agreed to have one. When the baby arrived his mindset changed completely and now he is obsessed with the baby. I do still hold some resentment though as I feel as it wasted 5 years of my life for no good reason. And now will probably have to have a second in my mid thirties, where my body is not the same as in my mid twenties and there are more complications. And we will probably stop at 2 children due to age but I always wanted 3. I personally think that if a man is not ready to have a family he should not get married. Because what if you were to unexpectedly get pregnant, would he still not he "ready". I don't agree with the notion that both feelings matter. It is the woman that has to endure pregnancy, health risks, complications, body changes and practically risking her life to give birth.

So for the man to say HE is not ready is ridiculous imo. It takes man literally 2 minutes to conceive and that's pretty much all they do up until birth and even after most men are pretty useless.

@Syeda this is what I meant by my earlier response as waiting around for the man to be ready means we’re wasting away our good active years to have kids in for a later age when we’re not the same as we would’ve been in our early/mid even late 20s & it means we then have to have our next children even later than anticipated. Men can be so selfish sometimes & you’re right, they shouldn’t get married if they’re not ready for kids as what if unexpectedly you get pregnant, what then? That’s why as much as I agree with the sister above that having a child is a life long commitment, I don’t agree that it’s fair to wait for the guy to be ready coz really & truly, men aren’t the ones raising the children, they’re not the one having sleepless nights, waking up for feeds, doing everything for the baby & for the house so why should they be the ones to choose when they get to have a kid

Sis, Allah has everything planned out for you & me. If this man is not meant for you then he’s not meant for you & someone is written for you out there. I know it’s gonna be hard to find someone again but you’d rather wait it out & find your someone than be trapped in a marriage where there’s a possibility that even after waiting another 3 years he will say he doesn’t want kids yet & then your chances at having children would be really slim & then to divorce & try to have kids with your next partner might not be possible. You need to think about yourself, he’s thinking about only himself so you need to be selfish too & so what’s right for you

@Tasnim exactly, and even if you were to wait a few years, you never know how long it will take to get pregnant you could be trying for many more years on top of that. The fact that he's not fighting for this marriage and is expecting you to wait around and even then it's not guaranteed is a big red flag. The risk is he will waste years of your life until you get fed up and leave and he doesn't fight for you. And he probably thinks he can just marry younger when really male fertility also has a big drop past 35.

You are right ladies, he might not be ready next year or the year after. He sees the suffering I'm going through and he's being selfish. His mindset is that he wants to be fully ready to be a good dad, he doesn't want to be a half hearted dad. He doesn't see that I have to get pregnant for 9 months, then postpartum recovery and then looking after the baby.

I've always listened to his wants and needs and compromised. The one time he has too and he doesn't want to

When they wish you the world before marriage and then give you nothing

This happens to a friend of mine. Her husband eventually left her. He stayed he delayed ttc as he wasn’t sure he wanted to stay with her long term. Not saying this will happen to you but give him an ultimatum and try to get to the bottom of his reasoning. Especially as a Muslim couple it’s not normal to delay ttc for so long.