Surname conflict advice

Hello! My baby’s 2 weeks old. Me and her dad didn’t know one another too well before I got pregnant, he wasn’t a massive support in the pregnancy and since her birth he’s done very little for her. He visits daily but doesn’t change her or feed her without being told to, and has declined to provide any financial support as were no longer in a relationship and when he comes will sit for a couple hours on his phone, look at her, speak to her a bit and then go because he’s hungry or needs sleep or something. He’s had a couple kick offs and threatened me about her surname and tells me he’s “not responsible for what happens next” if she has my surname on the birth certificate. His lack of support and the threats have made me certain she is having my surname. I’m not sure how to navigate this, I feel I should talk to someone for support but not sure who. I am terrified about registering her as hell kick off. I’m happy for his name on the birth certificate as otherwise he’ll just go to court for it, but not for her to have his surname. I’m not sure how to handle him when he comes over and I dread it and it’s causing me so much worry and stress. Has anyone got any advice or guidance they could offer? Has anyone been through similar? I’ve explained my rationale for her surname and he just says it’s unfair as she’s his child, but I don’t want her having the surname of someone who would threaten me and who I honestly don’t think will stick around. I’ve explained it can be changed at a later date if he stays involved but he just kicks off. Any help or advice is appreciated!

Show your support

Fuck him!! He doesn't deserve for her to have his surname, give her your surname, don't give in

I think that she should have your surname, and if you're that scared, I'd just boot him from both of your lives completely, and report. At the next hospital visit, you could tell Dr that you're scared and they will get you appropriate help.

You did all the hard work. She should have your surename. Since he’s not supportive like you want him to be you’re always gonna be the primary parent so your baby should have your surename. If you’re scared of him you should let someone know this and if anything happens to you after you register you’ve got a witness. If he can’t respect you as the mother of his child then he can go

Just go get her registered yourself with your surname without him. He can be added to the birth certificate later. Also, apply for CMS he doesn't need to be on the birth certificate for that either

@Chiara I was gonna say the same thing. You can go without him and if he wants to be added you both can go another time.

Not only should your baby 100000% get your surname, but due to the threats, I would get a lawyer or police involved if just for documentation. That way if anything happens, or if he does leave, it’s easier for you to prove his behavior and get primary custody without delay

You're the only one who needs to go get his birth registered so the decision is 100% yours, it sounds like he wouldn't even know this is an appointment that needs to be done as he doesn't seem that interested if he's always on his phone - could you go without him and not tell him? I agree with the others above that at your next appointment with a midwife or doctor or health visitor, when they ask do you feel safe at home or supported, please tell them your concerns about the father and they will help you x

My baby will also have my surname, if it makes you feel less alone!

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