Visiting home with my baby

I live 6 hours away from where I grew up so this is the first time I’m taking my daughter to my childhood home. I’m struggling a lot with picturing how it should have been - how much my mum would have loved being a grandma and been there to support me. I’ve been the emotional backbone for my dad and sister since she died, being strong for them even when I was hospitalised with severe pre-eclampsia and nearly died myself. I just wish things were how I imagined they would be. Everyone expects me to be happier now that I’ve got my daughter after a miscarriage but I’m finding it hard to breathe properly at the moment.